#1
Hello, I was wondering if anybody could try and decipher my poem. I would love for some feedback, maybe a guess as to what I was writing about =)


My mind

This is my bridge
from conscious,
to paper.
I dare you to come inside

Hanging on to the edge of my mind
You must sit upon my thoughts
Your hair sways with my ideas
Your feet brush my imagination
You couldn't sit on the edge anymore
You had to jump,
You had to feel what I feel
#2
hi this is what i interpret this poem as:

you are talking about someone else feeling what you are feeling/thinking about.
you are talking about your ideas from experiences to written on paper
#3
Sounds like you're wanting to enter your doors of perception.
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#6
Quote by andrew6986



My mind

This is my bridge
from conscious,
Do you mean conscience here?
to paper.
I dare you to come inside
Nice, simple, yet enticing.


Hanging on to the edge of my mind
You must sit upon my thoughts
Must? Imperative? Weird.
Your hair sways with my ideas
Your feet brush my imagination
I don't like the repetition of your. Doesn't work for me. Maybe it's a quick fix with "and your feet brush upon my imagination". I don't know.
You couldn't sit on the edge anymore
You had to jump,
You had to feel what I feel
Nice.



I didn't really like it. It lacked flow in the second stanza.


Also, No bumping.
Things move slow round here.
Go out and crit other peoples, and ask for returns.