#1
First metal song baby anyways here we go.


(intro lick)

*Verse 1*
i said id meet you
and you said you said ok
i said i love you
and you said NO WAY!


*Pre-Chorus*
You said youd be there waitin
so i said ok
but i was gettin you back
for all the paaaaain


*Chorus*
Cause i was LONG GONE
yeah id left you there
ALL ALO-ONE
Yeah i was LONG GONE
left you standin aloooooooone


*Verse 2*
You asked me where i was
i was makin my plan
but i didnt tell you that
cuz then it wouldnt be no fun


(SOLO!!!!!)


*Pre-Chorus*
You said youd be there waitin
so i said ok
but i was gettin you back
for all the paaaaain


*Chorus*
Cause i was LONG GONE
yeah id left you there
ALL ALO-ONE
Yeah,Yeah i was LONG GONE
left you standin alooooooone


and i was LONG GONE!!!!!


so wat do you think
#2
with the solo i think you should put it after the chorus

like
intro
prechorus
chorus
verse 2
pre chorus
chorus
solo
pre chorus
chorus
#4
Quote by ginjaninja
I thought it was horrible.

woah...harsh!! i didn't like it a whole lot either, but at least offer some reson why you didn't like it.

i would reccommed some literary techniques. stuff like similies, metaphors, alliteration. studing up on your language arts can make your songwriting much better
To say of what is that it is not, or of what is not that it is, is false, while to say of what is that it is, and of what is not that it is not, is true.


#5
i tried man, but i didnt like it. better than all my first attempts, but still quite bad. listen to AndOverTheHills advice, it was good. pay attention in english class at school, it seriously helps. if you really want your writing to improve, by some poetry books and some classic novels and read them.

the more you read, the better you write. the better you write, the better you write songs.
Quote by Zero-Hartman
The Bible is awesome. Revelation is so badass, I mean, dragons and angels and the devil having an epic battle in the clouds? Badass.