#1
we write to feel beautiful,
to recreate a beauty we have lost,
we write to feel human,
because a paper is much less sarcastic,
than our bastard friends.

my head feels love,
my heart feels numb,
I choked out my soul,
I didnt need it anyways.
fuck what the preacher says.
it wasn't doing me anything but hurt.

we write to be hated,
by everyone who wont ever understand,
cry cry cry cry CRY
CRY!!! YOU FUCKING BITCH
thats all I ever wanted.
I didnt want to love you.
that was bullshit.
I just wanted to fuck you and leave you.
so I could see you cry,
you look so damn cute when you cry.
#3
Quote by bluesybilly
we write to feel beautiful,
to recreate a beauty we have lost,
I don't like the repetition of beauty. Change up that second line.
we write to feel human,
because a paper is much less sarcastic,
than our bastard friends.
Otherwise good.

my head feels love,
my heart feels numb,
I choked out my soul,
I didnt need it anyways.
This line flowed terribly. Perhaps the bad grammar.
fuck what the preacher says.
it wasn't doing me anything but hurt.
Good.

we write to be hated,
by everyone who wont ever understand,
cry cry cry cry CRY
CRY!!! YOU FUCKING BITCH
thats all I ever wanted.
I didnt want to love you.
that was bullshit.
I just wanted to fuck you and leave you.
so I could see you cry,
you look so damn cute when you cry.
Brilliant, pure emotion.



Enjoyable.
#4
Coarse, but delicate at the same time.

- "we write to feel human,
because a paper is much less sarcastic,
" - I have this faint feeling like you could of worded this better. It feels overtly OTS, and kinda lazy. I love the repetition of the simple idea, but the way you displayed it feels awkward and dirty.

- "I choked out my soul," - I see this as being overly dramatic, when a little subtlety could of really lent this piece a controlled sense of itself. You have to balance the feeling of frustration, anger and disgust with control and restraint. I reckon so, anyway.

- "it wasn't doing me anything but hurt." - The same should be applied here. Although I love the reckless behaviour to the wording, I would never personally speak like the way you are writing, even in a heated moment. Which defeats the purpose of a conversational style. But, that's just me. I'm not you.

The last paragraph is everything that I would say and do, particularly in moments of distress.

Powerful stuff.

Digitally Clean
#5
Deliciously unkempt. This was honest and didn't seem like it was written for us, thank god. Very good.
Quote by Arthur Curry
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e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#8
thanks alot everybody
i actually wrote this a while back so im much better (emotionally and whatnot lol) now.
#9
Very powerful.
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#12
Last stanza reminds me of
'Pretty when you cry' by VAST.
I can't crit this just because of what it is.
I really hate how you put commas after every line in the first stanza though.
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