#1
Subtle endearments
Rusty blockades, strengthened with each passing wave
He searches for that highest of suns
Yet the moon draws more than a glance
Invigorated shadows veil delicacy's gentle frame
#2
I'm a little lost in the wording to find meaning in this. Sounds pretty, and after a few reads I get what you're saying, but at this point I've focused more on your words than the purpose of them.

Anyway, keep writing. Someone else might pick this up and appreciate it more.
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it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




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theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#3
Really nice, the flow, the wording, made a really beautiful poem. I understood everything but the last line. That somewhat lost me, but none the less it was great.
this one is for you.
#4
nice, flowy, kinda dreamy id change or just take out invigorated in the last line though its awesome
#5
I thought it was short and sweet.

Second line is too long though, IMO. And yes, invigorated seems like an odd word to describe shadows.

Have a nice day.
Last edited by kunvulshuns at Dec 8, 2008,
#6
I agree regarding invigorated, it doesn't quite fit with the context. That being said, there are some powerful images here, and as a whole, the piece works.