#1
hey Guys, Wrote This in like...under 24hrs lol

let me know what you think

what im really struggling with is the solo's - im really only good at writing melodic solos so this is my first attempt at "shred" as it were LOL

C4C if you ask

EDIT: song update (in 2nd folder); New bass in Verse, Guitar Melody in Chorus
Attachments:
Banshee.zip
Banshee v.2.zip
Last edited by Mcleody at Dec 8, 2008,
#2
first impression: not bad, sounds quite professional. well done
next, the main riff, could be a little more variated, less repeated, and to be truly honest it could be more original. maybe some pauses in the verse would sound cool. also, the guy playing bass for this song would likely fall asleep. if you made the bass more interesting, rhythmically, and musically, maybe write some arpeggios in according the chord of that bar, or the song, or make a cool riff that goes along with the main one. also i like how the solo is like the riff, but a variation. that always sounds good. but, since you used the main riff almost throuhgout the whole song, the listener does not want to hear that during the solo. i like the rest of the solo though. good work on that. finally, the chorus that you have sounds more like a post-chorus or bridge. like something before the solo. make your chorus a bit more melodic and as well change around the rhythm at least to make the chorus rhythm differ from everything else. hope this helps

critique mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=17532043#post17532043
#3
thanks james, i've done some edits and its available up top with the main post

everyone else, tell me what you think?
#4
some lyrics: (why not eh?)

Lost And Never Found
Your Essence Drains Me Because
Im Forever bound
To Weap In Your Shadow

You'l Never Need Me
Your Soo Strong By Yourself
You'l Never Love Me
It Torments Me

Look Down At Me, What Do you See, Look Down on Me
My Heart is Debris, Broken in Three, My heart is Debris
Im Looking At You, What Do I see, What Do i See
A ****ing Banshee, A ****ing Banshee

Solitude Eternal
Eternity Tortured, From your
Heart, The burning Inferno
It Burns My Soul

Loneliness Forever
Isolation Embraces me
sociality Severed
you place me in my cell

Look Down At Me, What Do you See, Look Down on Me
My Heart is Debris, Broken in Three, My heart is Debris
Im Looking At You, What Do I see, What Do i See
A ****ing Banshee, A ****ing Banshee
#5
this is getting to be a pretty nice song. 1. the chorus is ugly. but its good. ugly and good, suits this kind of song. this sounds like a mix between disturbed, metallica and dream theater. i like the new version. ill crit more later gotta sleep now.
#6
Well, I loved that other song you had up here, fyi.

Cool intro, although the main riff reminded me of Brompton Cocktail by A7X a little bit.

Verse was a little boring, maybe some gallops or pauses to make it interesting?

Chorus: I'm really iffy on this. It suits the song, but it feels like a pre-chorus to me.

Solo was ugh. I suppose you're just starting on shred, so why don't you mix in the melodic "em0t10n4lz" solos with the shred (along with some breaks besides straight 16th notes).

The ending was sweet. Short and abrupt, perfect.

Needs a bit of polishing. With this and your other song, I hope I'll see more of you around here xD