#1
Ive decided to start to try and write some songs and this is my 1st fully completed one and id like some people to tell me what they think and how i could improve. this is just a simple acoustic song to start as my first song

It's All Right Now

Hey there girl put your best dress on
We're going out tonight to sing our song
In the end it'll all go wrong
And we'll wonder why the hell we were gone

Hey there girl get out of bed
You were out all night doing what he said
The things you did you wish you were dead
but dont let those things go to your head

Coz it's all right now
It's all right now

Hey there girl you've got big issues
you have no control over what you do
but dont worry coz i'll help you through
so come on over and tell me whats new

It's all right now
Yeah it's all right now

Am here for you no matter what
No matter the weather: cold or hot
Nothing will happen, we hope not
we'll help you through with everything we got

Coz it's all right now
all right now
all right now

[fade out]
If life gives you oranges, say "f*ck oranges" and bail.

Hey You!
#2
I liked the first two verses and the chorus where you were actually described and experience, told a story in a way I could relate to/identify with.
The third verse doesnt work for me. The description "You were out all night doing what he said" is much stronger than just telling "Hey there girl you've got big issues/you have no control over what you do". The Fourth verse is jusr an OK there in the end, cheesy in a way. I guess I expected a suprise in the end.
The song defentialy has a potential as a pop/rock hit/sing along, just work a little in the last verse to get the feeling there sharper.
#3
The chorus is pretty terrible. I can hear the rolling stones jumping jack flash chorus playing when I think of your song.

That last verse ruined the whole song and upped the cheese factor. Remove it an you are on to something.
#4
its got amazing flow. good lyrics too not the most amazing iv read but good. but the flow of them is AMAZING. i was reading this and i could read it with a tune. it seems like turning this into a song would be really easy . Very good job.
C4C
sweet life in sig plz
#5
what grayelbows said I agree with him the rythme is allready there for you actually i picked up a guitar and almost played along with it till the chorus lol. xD

anyways first 2 stanza's i wouldnt change then after the chorus i'd revise it "so come on over and tell me whats new" way lame...
Singer/Songwriter/Guitarist/Bassit/Drummer/Screamer/Marocka Shaker/Flute Tamer/Bio Chemical Robot Lover/Holographic Charizard owner/ Industrial waste polutionier/Stoner
#6
Thanks for the comments guys, ill try to revise the part after the chorus and try to change the last verse
If life gives you oranges, say "f*ck oranges" and bail.

Hey You!