#1
Hey guys, been quite a while since I posted anything, be cool if you'd tell me what you think, cheers. C4C as always.

From Paris to Texas, you'll walk the line,
Never to your tune, though least you're still alive.
When you bite the bullet, you swallow it tough;
Another shot sunk, don't look into the sun.

This is my hometown;
It's no mean city

Hey you strangers, welcome to the city,
Clicking your heels, at ease with sitting pretty.
All you strangers, I'm just a sinner;
Trying to sell a story.

She ain't from my town, but she's walking the streets,
Like she was born in the cracks, and she's keeping the beat.
All you strangers, all you deadbeats,
Buy into my story.

Hey now strangers, there's dust in the air,
There's something on the streets, but I can't say where;
And all you strangers, you can't play fair,
So she sells you my story

If you came out of the town, another piece of meat,
With a hellhound on your tail, you're nothing on the street.
All you strangers, and you deadbeats
Buy into this story

This is my hometown
It's no mean city

Awrite now mister, in the Emperor's clothes;
You've made it rags to riches, but I'm the end of the road.
All you strangers, like you don’t know
Who’s swinging from the willow

Hey now strangers, there's dust in the air,
There's something on the streets, but I can't say where;
And all you takers, you can't play fair,
So she sells you my story

We’re livin’, livin’, livin’
In no mean city
This is my hometown
It's no mean city

Come down strangers, get your blood-on-blood.
The poet in the streets, said it ain't so tough,
And all you strangers, there whipping it up.
I say it's no mean city.

We’re livin’, livin’, livin’
In no mean city
This is my hometown
It's no mean city
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
RED MILITIA FACTION
#2
From Paris to Texas, you'll walk the line,
Never to your tune, though Atleast you're still alive.
When you bite the bullet, you swallow it tough;
Another shot sunk (this is an odd line, isn't explained so great), don't look into the sun.
This last pat seems to end very abruptly and it almost seems random


This is my hometown;
It's no mean city

Hey you strangers, welcome to the city,
Clicking your heels, at ease with sitting pretty.
All you strangers, I'm just a sinner;
Trying to sell a story.
Sticks out, doesn't flow so much but the first lines a really nice.

She ain't from my town, but she's walking the streets,
Like she was born in the cracks, and she's keeping the beat. That was some epic rhyming there my friend, it completely tells its own story.
All you strangers, all you deadbeats Now you can't end the next sentence with the word you just ended this last one in, even if it's slightly changed lol.,
Buy into my story.

Hey now strangers, there's dust in the air,
There's something on the streets, but I can't say where;
And all you strangers, you can't play fair,
So she sells you my story


If you came out of the town, another piece of meat,
With a hellhound on your tail, you're nothing on the street.
All you strangers, and you deadbeats
Buy into this story


Stop using strangers, its a good theme but your kinda pushing it. The last sentence of both these...stanza's are really weak, it doesn't flow lyrically. It may sound smooth with music or something but it would be better if you could not hide it behind the music ya know?


This is my hometown
It's no mean city

Awrite now mister, in the Emperor's clothes;
You've made it rags to riches, but I'm the end of the road.
All you strangers, like you don’t know
Who’s swinging from the willow Epic!

Hey now strangers, there's dust in the air,
There's something on the streets, but I can't say where;
And all you takers, you can't play fair,
So she sells you my story My same complaint...

We’re livin’, livin’, livin’
In no mean city
This is my hometown
It's no mean city

Come down strangers, get your blood-on-blood.
The poet in the streets, said it ain't so tough,
And all you strangers, there whipping it up.
I say it's no mean city.

We’re livin’, livin’, livin’
In no mean city
This is my hometown
It's no mean city


Overall this is pretty flipping rad. You give really good imagery some parts and other you kinda just gotta grit your teeth and read through it. But really, I loved it. I could totally see some of the greats singing it. Rick Astley, Prince, DAVE MUSTAINE....lol i like Mustaine and Prince actually but no, its really good. Keep it up bro
#3
There is really only one or two things that puts me off this, the rest is very you and has serious character - albeit it's not my kind of character.
For a start, I didn't like the constant comma's and punctuation this has. You seem to use conversational methods to your words - laziness to good effect - but you contradict that rough approach by being pristine in your grammar. In the same way, I wasn't really fond of the predictable line breaks and layout which seemed obvious and repetitive.
I understand that this is a song, though, so the repetition and diction is easily forgivable.

Although there was nothing in here that really struck me; no one liners that bounced off the page, it's the feel of this and the character of it that makes you enjoy it.
But, the rebellious writing should of been developed more. It's too lyrical and rhythmical. Also, while the rhymes are good, there are occasions where they are not up to scratch and it felt like you couldn't find a really good one, so you just settled for second-the-best. Never settle for anything less than the best.

Good to see you back.

Digitally Clean