#1
I am just trying to see what people think of this short story I wrote for my English Final.
When I copied it into the box the tabbing went screwy so I will just link it to my live journal. Sorry for the inconvenience or if it is against the rules.

Link
REMEMBER REMEMBER THE 8TH OF NOVEMBER!! I SURVIVED 4CHAN'S INVASION!!
Uneeded Praising Section:
Quote by The_Hottest_Day
Why didnt you get cable-less mics?

Quote by Oldmonkeys
lol good call

Quote by Kensai
^
^ That was at me so yes it is praise.
#2
hey this is good stuff. I would say that some of the dialogue seems a bit stiff or forced but it definitely is good besides that. You should expand on it and write more. It's an interesting start.
#3
Alright, for a college story, I'm on the fence

There are some grammatical errors, though that can be easily fixed.

More, I'm curious...as to why it's so short. Is it supposed to be? The plot is there, but it doesn't feel fleshed out enough to my liking. If it's supposed to be short like this, then that's alright, it may only need some grammar fixes, and a slight bit of plot fleshing out.

What is the assignment exactly?
Oh no he just divided by zero again...*gets sucked into vortex*

Originally Posted by Sirwinston89
whoa man this is turning into the Dream Theater appreciation thread!!! If only every thread kicked this much ass!


You're welcome
#4
I didn't really like it, it didn't sound like you had much... experience... in what you wrote about.

I could probably write for pages if you were looking for a crit, but honestly... it was meh.

I don't know exactly what finals are or how they work, but on an A*,a,b,c,d basis
id give this a B, if this was the exact version you handed in.
#5
Quote by ginjaninja
I didn't really like it, it didn't sound like you had much... experience... in what you wrote about.

I could probably write for pages if you were looking for a crit, but honestly... it was meh.

I don't know exactly what finals are or how they work, but on an A*,a,b,c,d basis
id give this a B, if this was the exact version you handed in.


No. I really don't have much experience with it. The assignment was to write a short story, and the topic didn't matter. I am not writing a new one because its due tomorrow morning and its almost 10:00 pm. I am just looking for ways to tweak it a bit to make it just that much better. I had my friend read it and he told me to take out most of the swearing, so I did. Also, I would like to know where the some of the grammatical errors are because that will be a big part of the grade. English was never my strongest subject.
REMEMBER REMEMBER THE 8TH OF NOVEMBER!! I SURVIVED 4CHAN'S INVASION!!
Uneeded Praising Section:
Quote by The_Hottest_Day
Why didnt you get cable-less mics?

Quote by Oldmonkeys
lol good call

Quote by Kensai
^
^ That was at me so yes it is praise.
#6
Wouldn't that be cheating?

And what level of education is this final for?

I'll be honest. If I was a teacher you get an F.

Have a nice day.
#7
Wouldn't that be cheating?

And what level of education is this final for?

I'll be honest. If I was a teacher you get an F.

Have a nice day.


Yeah, it would be cheating, or peer review. Dink.
REMEMBER REMEMBER THE 8TH OF NOVEMBER!! I SURVIVED 4CHAN'S INVASION!!
Uneeded Praising Section:
Quote by The_Hottest_Day
Why didnt you get cable-less mics?

Quote by Oldmonkeys
lol good call

Quote by Kensai
^
^ That was at me so yes it is praise.
#8
Okay, im probably more on K's side of the grading scale now i'ce read it through a couple of times.

I would practically re-write it for you... if it wasnt an exam, and it wasnt 3AM over here if i didnt have school tomorrow morning, and if it wasnt due tomorrow.

lucks out.


(it was just the way you approached everything that i didnt like.)

Oh well, after all this encouragement, im sure you wont need it, but here it is anyway:

Good luck.
#9
Quote by The_Hottest_Day
Yeah, it would be cheating, or peer review. Dink.


Ah, it must be intermediate school level then.

You still fail.
#10
Quote by ginjaninja
Okay, im probably more on K's side of the grading scale now i'ce read it through a couple of times.

I would practically re-write it for you... if it wasnt an exam, and it wasnt 3AM over here if i didnt have school tomorrow morning, and if it wasnt due tomorrow.

lucks out.


(it was just the way you approached everything that i didnt like.)

Oh well, after all this encouragement, im sure you wont need it, but here it is anyway:

Good luck.


**** happens I suppose. Thanks for your help.
REMEMBER REMEMBER THE 8TH OF NOVEMBER!! I SURVIVED 4CHAN'S INVASION!!
Uneeded Praising Section:
Quote by The_Hottest_Day
Why didnt you get cable-less mics?

Quote by Oldmonkeys
lol good call

Quote by Kensai
^
^ That was at me so yes it is praise.