#1
No, you read the title correctly.
I have blasphemed the (un)holy name of groovin brutal death, for the sake of making ultra-groovin brutal death.
And some odd progressive elements here and there.

Tlr intro was Tl; Dr.
And a little pretentious.
Attachments:
Elonia.zip
Last edited by huevos at Dec 15, 2008,
#2
Well, nice try with this one mate, Its just I feel that you sacrificed any kind of flow for the sake of being progressive in many parts of this song. The sections that you repeated, in other words the blasted bit and the other deathy riff (the one you ended on), they were both excellent.

Specifically I didn't like the intro all that much, and the part that I assume is a solo of some description. The intro definately needs full drums from right near the beginning, and when they do eventually come in you could do with some more bass drum. The section I dubbed the 'soloy bit' was good, but again I feel you sacrificed a lot to be 'experimental' ya know. Something along the lines of some kind of bluesy shred with a bunch of extended techniques would be cool.

Just tighten this up and you'll have a great song thing on your hands
Would you mind?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1014290
#3
hey dudem, thanks for the crit, and i have no idea who 'The Absence' are ha

this song is kinda random in some parts and like the guy above me said, it lacks a good flow ebtween riffs. other than that it was great! although i cant hear the post rock myself
"We carry death out of the village!"
#4
Hey man, thanks for the crit on my piece, sorry I've taken so long to get back to you.

Anyway, to the crit.

The intro sounds a bit odd, not bad but something you'd have to acquire a taste for, I guess, leads well into the next section of the song though.

Pretty sweet riff after that, has some very interesting leads, it also fits very well with the rhythm guitar and drums.

After that I can see the grooving death metal coming into it, you switched to this part very well and it sounds quite good.

I can hear some Buckethead influence on the solo parts, if I'm not mistaken, sounds good, it helps to keep the atmosphere of the song well.

The recap back to the theme in the outro works well, and serves the purpose of an outro very well.

Overall, good stuff, I'd give it a listen if you made a full recording of it, only problem I had with the song really was that the intro sounded sort of weird, but as I said before it sounds like the sort of thing which could grow on me.
#6
Quote by The ZenOfShred
This wouldn't be anything I would listen. Everything was just all over the place.


O rly?
That's quite fine, but I feel that is one of my most simplified and straightforward pieces.

This is also just sort of an attention-getter, kinda in the vein of The Faceless's Prison Born.
Short, but bombast.

It's purpose is to lay the foundation for the next song, which will be more consistently groovin-brutal death.
#7
Quote by huevos
O rly?
That's quite fine, but I feel that is one of my most simplified and straightforward pieces.

This is also just sort of an attention-getter, kinda in the vein of The Faceless's Prison Born.
Short, but bombast.

It's purpose is to lay the foundation for the next song, which will be more consistently groovin-brutal death.



I really can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not.
#8
Quote by Evian
I really can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not.


Only serious business is allowed around these parts.

This isn't straight-forth brutal death metal in the least. I know that; that's why I gave a kooky title.
I just took elements of that and slam death, because I've been listening to a lot of that stuff recently.

BUT, I didn't wanna make a sludgefest of riffs that blend together.
That exactly what the next song is for.
This song is laying the foundation for that.

And where the hell did you come from?
#9
unusual piece. Personally I don't like it that much because like zenofshred said it's a bit messy.
#10
I like to add something else. The thing about some of your pieces is there isn't a part of your song were it has a "epic or very gripping" feel but more of an annoyance IMHO. I think it is time to stop with the Behold... The Arctopus type of writing and start getting into something solid and great sounding. You are ten times the composer I'm but I"m just giving my opinion. Enough of the weird harmonies and chords.
#11
NEVER!
Weird chords/harmonies, and melodies is all I have.
Are you suggesting that Behold...The Arctopus are not solid and great sounding?
hahaha, don't answer that.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu2ABnbnvOY
^That's why I lose focus to make "epic" crap.
Epic.
Are you suggesting I write power metal ballads?


Seriously, check out Malkeet.
I think that's what your suggesting I aim for.
Also, wait, nevermind, you've seen Lycotrope.

I could write more consistent stuff, but I will only do so if I feel like do so at the moment.
This song is way more linear than about 80% of the stuff I write.
EDIT: This song and the following piece have what I like to call "futile melodies". They lead nowhere, except ending up "dead".
That places more focus on the groove and visceral elements; it's mostly for headbanging and ****.

Musicians owe their listeners nothing and vice-versa.
If you wanna make money off music, reverse that attitude.
Last edited by huevos at Dec 14, 2008,
#12
Quote by huevos
NEVER!
Weird chords/harmonies, and melodies is all I have.
Are you suggesting that Behold...The Arctopus are not solid and great sounding?
hahaha, don't answer that.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu2ABnbnvOY
^That's why I lose focus to make "epic" crap.
Epic.
Are you suggesting I write power metal ballads?


Seriously, check out Malkeet.
I think that's what your suggesting I aim for.
Also, wait, nevermind, you've seen Lycotrope.

I could write more consistent stuff, but I will only do so if I feel like do so at the moment.
This song is way more linear than about 80% of the stuff I write.
EDIT: This song and the following piece have what I like to call "futile melodies". They lead nowhere, except ending up "dead".
That places more focus on the groove and visceral elements; it's mostly for headbanging and ****.

Musicians owe their listeners nothing and vice-versa.
If you wanna make money off music, reverse that attitude.


In epic, I mean good melody that catches their listener. If read my post, you would see that I didn't suggest anything about Power Metal. I was hoping for you to aim for a sound that is nice sounding and nothing less. You tend to the overdo the technical aspect a bit and that makes the music suffer IMO. I wasn't even close to headbanging to most of your pieces because they were to "here and gone" from what i was hearing. I'm not trying to bust your balls. I just need give an HONEST opinion.
#15
Quote by The ZenOfShred
Dude, don't give bull**** crits. ACTUALLY crit the mans piece don't give the "nice piece *puts a link to your piece*"


If you are going to give a bland crit don't expect a crit from anyone.


He's 12 and an attention ***** type.
He is an excellent guitarist, but lacks humility and subtlety.
Then again, he is 12.

Also, writing difficult pieces doesn't make me a great guitarist.
In all honesty, this piece isn't technical or demanding.
It's just a lot of heavy, incongruent riffs played fast.
Last edited by huevos at Dec 24, 2008,
#16
I finally got around to it, and I spruced up the song somewhat.

Rhythmically and structurally, it's not all that different.
I messed around a little with the intro, left the thrash riff alone, as well as the main groove, ****ed up the secondary riff with some "futile" melodies, extended the solo 4 bars, and put more emphasis on the outro.

Check it out.
Still C4C.
Attachments:
Elonia_ver2.zip
#17
Ok, critting the second version. I don't really listen to this stuff, so forgive me if my review seems somewhat biased towards more standard structured songs.

On first listen the intro seemed to go nowhere but when I listened again I realized it was put together quite well and most likely thought out. It transitions very nicely into the next riff.

The next part, while still retaining the same...oddness, seemed like filler to me up until bar 45, which I absolutely love.

After this it seems to go in a million directions. Its a very strange piece, but it seems like something that would grow alot on you. To the average listener I think it would probably be overwhelming. Alot of the guitar fills seem atonal, maybe try using some more melodic parts as reference points (going back to the riff at bar 45) and that might make the song fit together better, and be more "listenable".

I'm glad you came back to that one riff, it provides a fitting theme for the song. After that it's nothing new but the ending was very good. It would work well as an intro for a cd like you wanted it to.
Quote by RU Experienced?
Yeah, I have fond memories as a child of fapping to a porno with my close friends before sitting down for a nice relaxing evening of Runescape.
#18
The intro was nice and heavy, and despite it's simplicity... Was actually pretty good.

The next part was pretty weird, but good also. I keep listening to it over and over to try to understand it, but... Whatever. I especially liked bars 9-12. Although, I think I would like it if bars 11-12 started with lower notes too. But that might make it too predictable

The next heavier riff was alright. I liked the last few bars going into the next riff, I don't know why. Maybe it's bar 43.

The next riff is actually pretty cool, and it provides some... Um... continuity.

The part starting at 61 is awesome.

Honestly, I'm not a fan of the part at 87. It just wasn't as interesting as the rest.

That little part at 112 sounds awesome, I don't even know why.

I would probably get to like this song more and more. When I go back to the intro, it just sounds perfect for the rest of the song, like it all fits, despite it's randomness. I think you could make the solo sections a bit better, but I dunno. It's kinda hard to crit this type of song.