#1
Rain, rain, rain,
just go away you’re already on top,
until you fall down with every drop,

You’ll see me trying to collect you,
you’ll see me trying to catch you,
maybe it’ll be in a pan,
maybe it’ll be in my hands,
but regardless you’ll be in my heart,
always and forever till the sky falls apart,

(Which you’re a part of,
which you're a part of)

We write with open minds but can’t retain a verse,
this open skull sure as hell retains water.
So how bout you make way,
for something cute like the stars?

You’ll see me trying to collect you,
you’ll see me trying to catch you,
maybe it’ll be in a pan,
maybe it’ll be in my hands,
but regardless you’ll be in my heart,
even though I’m trying to boil your molecules apart.

Evaporation is just a phase,
just like black it’s the latest craze.
Recycling is just a thing,
maybe you’d mean something with a ring.

c4c as always
#2
i'll be back. I liked this. Just want to be able to find it I gotta go right now
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#3
Quote by Matt Chavie
Rain, rain, rain,
just go away you’re already on top,
until you fall down with every drop,
this was ok but i'm not very interested at this point. it's just like an ok, this isn't saying anything new. Not bad but not great.

You’ll see me trying to collect you,
you’ll see me trying to catch you,
maybe it’ll be in a pan,
maybe it’ll be in my hands,
but regardless you’ll be in my heart,
always and forever till the sky falls apart,
(Which you’re a part of,
which you're a part of)

this was nice. a little sappy (not quite the word I'm looking for) but I think you know that


We write with open minds but can’t retain a verse,
this open skull sure as hell retains water.
So how bout you make way,
for something cute like the stars?
Not a huge fan of the ideas here. They don't like very natural thoughts, you know?

You’ll see me trying to collect you,
you’ll see me trying to catch you,
maybe it’ll be in a pan,
maybe it’ll be in my hands,
but regardless you’ll be in my heart,
even though I’m trying to boil your molecules apart.
the last line was a little over the top, rest was nice

Evaporation is just a phase,
just like black it’s the latest craze.
Recycling is just a thing,
maybe you’d mean something with a ring.
I think you could reword the idea in the last two lines to make it more impactful and less awkward

c4c as always


ok just some quick thoughts. I like this but think you could make it a much smoother read by ironing out some of the more forced rhymes. A fun read. Nice ideas. Nice work.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#4
Quote by jiminizzle
ok just some quick thoughts. I like this but think you could make it a much smoother read by ironing out some of the more forced rhymes. A fun read. Nice ideas. Nice work.

i agree with most of what he said. "sappy" and i think that the anger you mixed into is...nice but doesnt flow with the song really. you seem to be trying to set the we'll be together forever vibe and the anger mixed in is like makin in choppy.

but i do like it, just its very bipolar