#1
stupid ****ing overused lines.
“i just want to be loved”...

well i do, so i’m trashing the ruins of a crowded dance room
and leaving the scraps of cliches behind in the dust
along with the tattered fragments,
sparkling remnants of my own ingenuity...
(i am an artist... i am my own...)
and writing this poem.

when acceptance speaks it says goodbye
and dumps me off on my own doorstep
for my conscience to claim me
as a prodigal son at six in the morning.
so i’ll roar these tired epitaphs again
against the dying sky of my constant monologue:
no master... no worker... no tedium...
no limits... no will... no terminum...
of trivial ideas and creativity that burst
into bubbles that never got into the sky.
cut off normality... show them their mistakes in blood red terms...
they ****ing deserved it... i’ve become the unappreciated genius
i keep hearing about, ranting at diseased lecterns
about how i’ll show them...
i’ll show them.

the blueprints change.
the envenom for my tired mind has been cursed
with an antidote.
i know me (i think i met him a long time ago)
and his doom
to continue breaking down the podium
with a fist
as a conspicuous lack of life shows itself
in the pews
to provide a silent counterpoint to the hell
that is me.
and my learning.
i’ll kill for talent, i’ll desecrate for anything
that might indicate my obvious inability
to express myself through someone else;
to learn under others’ own terms
and to bleach in the livid gooseberry-white
of apprenticeship...
there is a word for what i am.
autodidact. self-whore. bedroom performer.
why bother? i'll move on again...
it’s easy to hate something you love
when it’s under the knife of another's profession.


enjoy. i'll C4C if you like.
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Last edited by RPExecutor at Dec 9, 2008,
#2
no master... no worker... no tedium...
no limits... no will... no terminum...
of trivial ideas and creativity that burst
into bubbles that never got into the sky.
cut off normality... show them their mistakes in blood red terms...
they ****ing deserved it... i’ve become the unappreciated genius
i keep hearing about, ranting at diseased lecterns
about how i’ll show them...
i’ll show them.



This is Genius.

Great Job, I also looked over your other stuff.
It's all really good, keep it up.
#3
I'm impressed.
I'm not a huge fan of lines 2-8 but they weren't bad, just felt a little off and not as vital as they could be.

Ending was fantastic. I like how it keeps building.

Maybe I'll stop back and properly critique it but these are my initial thoughts.

Nice work.
I've never read anything by you before but I'll keep an eye out.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#6
Mmm.. It sounds good. But it didn't mean anything to me. I couldn't get into it. The imagery is interesting and seems cool but it didn't have much behind it, IMO. Good writing, just work on it.
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