#1
God isn't old, he's young
as ageless as a beam of light
And he's screaming at me from the Sun
Crying out ,"It'll be alright!"
But the vastness of space is dumb
and the vision of a man is slight
A truth so often shunned
But its bright white light in the night.


And I'll do what I have to do to fight
For that bright white light in the night.
Without any malice or spite
For that bright white light in the night.
I pray that the words I write
Find that bright white light in the night.
That the words may somehow ignite
That bright white light in the night.
#2
the "...ite"'s got a little too much in the second part
Be still my heart, I hear your back cracking...


...sounds like music to me
#4
Quote by cick13

God isn't old, he's young
as ageless as a beam of light
And he's screaming at me from the Sun
Crying out ,"It'll be alright!"
But the vastness of space is dumb
and the vision of a man is slight
A truth so often shunned
But its bright white light in the night.


This is really good, especially the last 4 lines.

Quote by cick13

And I'll do what I have to do to fight
For that bright white light in the night.
Without any malice or spite
For that bright white light in the night.
I pray that the words I write
Find that bright white light in the night.
That the words may somehow ignite
That bright white light in the night.


This is way too much rhyming. Don't force it so much.

In my opinion, keep the first part and scrap the second.
You can do much better.
#5
the second stanza was a bit too much, again, but in the first bit, the rhyming seemed natural and quirky; something you should always wish for in a poem/song.

but yeah, change the second part. burdened us up with painful rhymes that could have been a nice freed-up verse.
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