#1
the memories of you and I keep running through my head all the times we laughed and talked and shared its hard to beleive that what we had is gone

(chorus)
you left me cold and all alone you left me with a broken heart that hasnt healed you left me broken down and barley alive you left me with a heart that hasnt healed

you talk to me as if i were a friend i hold the pain inside and try to hide ill never let u know u still get to me because if i do ill scream

(chorus)

now i sit and watch you with the lucky guy i watch as he breaks u down and kicks you around then he leaves you alone and you cry to me

he left you empty cold and all alone left you with a broken heart that hasnt healed he left u broken hurt and barley alive he left you with a heart that hasnt healed

(he left you) with a heart that hasnt healed

(he left you) with a heart that hasnt healed

(he left you) with a heart that hasnt healed

you left me alone with my broken heart that doesnt feel

i just wrote this im new to writing songs so be easy on me lol tell me what you think and if u have any ideas for corrections let me know id appreciate it thanks
Last edited by southernboy3223 at Dec 10, 2008,
#2
Definitely something southern about the words, and by your username that's probably what you were aiming for?

Me, I'm not quite into this kinda stuff with the sad lyrics and the "remembering you"sorta motif, but I'm sure anyone who does like that stuff will embrace this work with open arms. From an unbiased standpoint my verdict is, "good job".
#3
Quote by Brumak
Definitely something southern about the words, and by your username that's probably what you were aiming for?

Me, I'm not quite into this kinda stuff with the sad lyrics and the "remembering you"sorta motif, but I'm sure anyone who does like that stuff will embrace this work with open arms. From an unbiased standpoint my verdict is, "good job".



lol no its a rock song least thats what i was aiming for lol and i live in california lol well southern california lol thanks tho
#4
Quote by southernboy3223
lol no its a rock song least thats what i was aiming for lol and i live in california lol well southern california lol thanks tho



You said "lol"
four times in that post.

I think that this piece would
benefit from well placed
line breaks, like this.
#5
Quote by ginjaninja
You said "lol"
four times in that post.

I think that this piece would
benefit from well placed
line breaks, like this.


sorry about the lols

ok so other than the line breaks what do you think?
and is their anything else that could be done? like i said im new at this