#1
OTS last hour of work. cheers c4c thanks


Another wide eyed, short minded kinda fella
wildly sprinting the track to stay ahead a lap.
Nice weather, still you teather an umbrella
incase a tree loses it's dew or drops of sap.
What will you do when there's a meteor shower?

Carefully calculating to skip asked questions
you proceed slowly with only safety intentions
without considering what others have mentioned,
you crawl in fear of even the sun's attentinon.

With precise cautions like solving equations
miles long with one pencil and no sharpener,
you over plan, re-think and re-scan situations
like a behind, short supplied novice carpenter.
how do you fear the sky from inside your tower?

Carefully calculating to skip asked questions
you proceed slowly with only safety intentions
without considering what others have mentioned,
you crawl in fear of even the sun's attentinon.

With a watch on each wrist you count the seconds
inside your head, incase they both end up dead.
An early bird rushing, cause your plan beckons
all of your time for fear of what might be ahead.
are you scared of what has no on/off power?

Carefully calculating to skip asked questions
you proceed slowly with only safety intentions
without considering what others have mentioned,
you crawl in fear of even the sun's attentinon.

You dressed yourself head to toe in armor
locked inside an armageddon proof bunker,
deep beneath the fields of some crop farmer
for you think your prey to some great hunter.
Did you try any life before you said it was sour?
Last edited by mindtrek at Dec 10, 2008,
#2
Quote by mindtrek
OTS last hour of work. cheers c4c thanks


Another wide eyed, short minded kinda fella
wildly sprinting the track to stay ahead a lap.
Nice weather, still you teather an umbrella
incase a tree loses it's dew or drops of sap.
What will you do when there's a meteor shower?
I'm assuming this means he's careful and self-protective in everything he does. Pretty good.

Carefully calculating to skip asked questions
you proceed slowly with only safety intentions
without considering what others have mentioned,
you crawl in fear of even the sun's attentinon.
He's shy, point taken. Also good.

With precise cautions like solving equations
miles long with one pencil and no sharpener,
you over plan, re-think and re-scan situations
like a behind, short supplied novice carpenter.
how do you fear the sky from inside your tower?
Restating yourself a bit, but still good. The "pencil with no sharpener" thing seems a little wasted though, as it doesn't really have strong meaning here.

Carefully calculating to skip asked questions
you proceed slowly with only safety intentions
without considering what others have mentioned,
you crawl in fear of even the sun's attentinon.

With a watch on each wrist you count the seconds
inside your head, incase they both end up dead.
An early bird rushing, cause your plan beckons
all of your time for fear of what might be ahead.
are you scared of what has no on/off power?
He's a schedule freak, and relies on modernization, at least that's the way I read it. A little repetitive, but still good.

Carefully calculating to skip asked questions
you proceed slowly with only safety intentions
without considering what others have mentioned,
you crawl in fear of even the sun's attentinon.
I don't think you need this after every stanza.

You dressed yourself head to toe in armor
locked inside an armageddon proof bunker,
deep beneath the fields of some crop farmer
for you think your prey to some great hunter.
Did you try any life before you said it was sour?
Don't change a thing here. I like this one particularly.
Could use some work, a little repetitive, but gets it's point across, and is over pretty good. For C4C, it's in my sig.