#1
Girls with gigantic owl eyes cars screaching into other cars and flipping over taxis love fingering my arteries food stamp fraud the abyss that cold fucking abyss fingerless gloves useless drinking with paranoia that she's going to pull those panties down and fuck him right there 151 with Mountain Dew and I have no gas to get downtown job interviews the loss of teeth and more cars screaching towards shrapnel in my.....stop.

I cleaned out the remnants of my 92' Chevy Astro Van - got rid of that ridiculous
bean bag chair and a useless bass drum taking space on the back bed.
I Febreezed the seats and drove three hours to a holler in Kentucky where my
father used to live and where Curtis Atwood melted his hands on a wood stove.
My father left a note on the front door -
"I'll be gone for a week. I'm visiting Daryl Hines in Nashville."
Once inside I fed the dog and pulled three pints of Early Times whiskey out of the cupboards, grabbed my grandad's old walking cane and went out the backdoor.
I started building a fire in the backyard firepit.
Every bit of wood was sopping wet.
Once I got it going I turned my cell phone off and sat down on a cinder block.
I heard rustling in the woods.
Sat still.
An old man fell out of the brush and dusted his white robe off.
He clawed the dirt out of his white beard.
"Who're you?"
"I'm God, creator of the Heavens and the earth."
"Oh...you want a nip?"
I handed my pint off to God and he took a swig.
"I've been watching you for 22 years now and even I can't pinpoint the core of
your black heart, my son."
He sat down next to me and opened up one of the pints for himself.
"It's times like these I'm reminded of a joke told to me by Abel."
"Let's hear it, old timer."
"Two sperms were traveling on the inside of a penis. They were moving faster and faster towards the tip and one says to the other, 'Jesus, man, I'm really tired. Are we almost to the uterus?' The other one replies, 'We have a long ways to go. We're only at the tonsils."
God laughed and my dog ran across the street into the high weeds.
He got up to piss and tripped into the fire.
His robe caught fire and he patted it out in a hurry then sat down.
"God, for all of your omnipotence and divine intervention and what have you, you really don't know shit for shit."
Poor advice.
#2
There's a fairly large divide between the first bit and the rest of it. I'm not sure what I think about that, but it's not that big of a distraction.

No **** sir, you seem to be able to capture and apply every feeling that could possibly exist, and explain them with stories. I don't know. You're one of my favourite raconteurs.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#4
sir, u have appealed to me greatly with this piece. You have an incredible talent for irony and cynicism. Your stories somehow manage to break for the normal angst ridden dribble that they should be into something so much greater. A fantastic piece. I especially love how you mindf*ck us at the start than hit us with a "deep philosphical" rant. Beautiful. From the amount of post recently, i take it you're finally back to us?
#5
It's possible. I've had more inspiration lately. We'll see how that goes.

Also, sorry for not returning crits yet. I've been swamped with (songs in the key of) life, lately.
Poor advice.
#6
don't worry about having to return the crits. I mean, the links in my sig "night whispers" if you ever find time for it, but it's not like i'm desperate. i'd have a friggin' heart attack if you critted something of mine anyway. The more times i read this piece, the more stuff i notice. I like that. Here we go for number 10...
#7
epic ending.
ADELOS
POP PUNK
for fans of...

Motion City Soundtrack, Get Up Kids, Jimmy Eat World, Transit, Brand New, Dashboard Confessional, Early November, Fall Out Boy, Jawbreaker, Polar Bear Club, The Story So Far, the Wonder Years, Something Corporate.
#8
"with Mountain Dew and I have no gas to get downtown job interviews the loss of teeth and more cars screaching towards shrapnel in my.....stop."
I feel you should get rid of the "and"s here. they really disrupt the flow of ideas. I see and, I add punctuation. These ideas need to flow, and the "and"s disrupt them greatly.

Apart from that, I actually F*cking loved this.
Really really really really did.
It's so.... Nice. So cynical yet takes everything in stride.
#10
That's because I'm Randy and you can't reach my system cuz my system is the Solar.


I'm drunk.
Poor advice.