#1
I don't know why, but to this day, music wise and lyric wise this is my favorite song that I've ever written...


Celestial Dreams


Did that glittering smile ever, turn your way?
Ask the stamp that muttered the word goodbye!
Did the sex ever, calm you down?
Ask the black gauntlet tearing at my eyes!
Did the therapy ever, clean the crime?
Ask the deserted room crooning with tangled rhymes!
Did the herbs ever, sooth the whine?
Ask the rotting corpse in the back of my car!

Dead melodies formed in crude wine
Perplexed generations of symbolic irony
Symbolic irony, symbolic irony, symbolic irony, symbolic irony
Dead melodies, dead melodies, dead melodies, dead melodies
x2

Talitated trojan dice dressed in a fragile mirage
Walking on a cloud in chicanery beats
Lugubrious sidewalks become your closest friend
Lethargic mind games made the joker complete

Dead melodies formed in crude wine
Perplexed generations of symbolic irony
Symbolic irony, symbolic irony, symbolic irony, symbolic irony
Dead melodies, dead melodies, dead melodies, dead melodies
x2

Celestial Dreams!

And she, looked so friendly when she cleared out her heart of all the shallow ghost. When the pity turned into an expiate hand all the windows of latency filled her throat. And when his love seemed so laconic there was a ringing of chimes glowing through his hair. The narrow blade seemed so flaccid when the blood painted orange vocal flares. The sirens, flashing memory, of that first kiss at the sea. And all the thoughts of his regressive hope and procrastinated Celestial Dreams...

Her cheek bones and her glossy steam with no caprice and a file of the guilty. Feeling pathetic in a short sighted path down a waterfall to lifes self portrait.

Take it away

Prejudiced ties bringing down a hallucionized strand of destiny in a depraved girls eyes. Her pupils stale purple chanting forensic lies and the media says:
Die, die, die, die

Her digital tounge speaking talkless words on a transparent mirage in a screaming breeze. The sore horizon calling soundless drums while her room mate chants:
Celestial Dreams

Spoiled herds of tiled sheep graze while the shepard mutters:
Grieve, grieve, grieve, grieve

Running from the cameras muted stream of conciousness as the citizens cry:
Celestial Dreams

Awake in a shelter to testify celestial screams
Cringing under singeing covers to hypnotize celestial breeze
Soaking in misted water while wincing from celestial tragedies
Laying on your blood stained matress while the knife cries out celestial dreams
#2
"Ask the deserted room crooning with tangled rhymes!"
Far too many syllables because of the polysyllabic words.

Whoa, maybe I'll be back on this, but probably not. This was really good. I'd like to hear the music/vocals for it all, see how it runs together.
#3
It was pretty good. Only thing i didn't like were the last two lines of the chorus. I don't like that repetition. Other than that i thought it was really good. I, too, would like to hear the music and vocals for it. Cause it doesn't really fit together on paper, but i'm sure it does with the music. Great job. Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=17592313#post17592313
Thx.
Really good job. Keep up the good work.