#1
So a few days ago I noticed some poetry I wrote during some really weird times and all, and I'd figured I'd take a look at it and see, there were some mediocre ideas. I worked and redid a lot of it and although it's very cliche, and very all that and crap, not about much special, I'm curious what people might think of what I've wrote. Any advice works, doesn't really matter. I divided it into 3 separate style general types, the first being a very interesting pretty damn confusing rhythm, the second being a short basic rhythm, and the third being a vivid long line but same rhyme scheme type poem. I figured this community might have some good insight on poetry and the works.

This poem is done as almost in the voice of the dark corner of your head (corny wow.)

First real poem type thing I refined a little bit, extensive criticism please!

In your close it will not matter,
Will now shatter,
broken down and your,
Time is wasted ev'ry moment,
We'll rot the same and you do know it and
Uselessness will haunt and rip apart,
all of your heart now and all the,
Forsaken stares of the bloodshot eyes,
Breaking backs and their lives here for all these lies.
Close all your doors.

Working hard day in and out,
Convinced of progress have no doubt,
Thinking going forward on the route.
Wonder if it's all to waste.
Is all this work for none,
Useless, pathetic, judgment done,
Morality beaten, on the run,
And now none of it will help.
Slaving, crumpling bones evermore,
All to enter that small door,
Flesh rend all down now to the core,
But really what is it worth.
Pendulum swinging, counting down time,
Negating all you thought was fine,
Believing, living, for the sign,
Your life, amount to nothing.

This revelation creeping into your mind,
Darkness creeping inside looking to find,
The rebellion in all members of mankind,
Reveling in the pain that drives all to insanity.
Longing for the sky as it sunders,
Loaded up with all your worthless wonders,
As they are crying, fading, dying in the thunders,
Progress reversed in the pandemic of longing
The relentless wanting for undying power,
As you forever wait for your greatest hour,
But as it comes all you act on is the act to cower,
Regret living eternal in your life.
Give into the futility of it all,
Do not work for you can now predict your fall,
Answer the darker, more demented call,
Close all of those doors.
#2
well im not a singer but a guitarist, but i think that could be turned into a pretty cool song, something like pantera's suicide note. very dark and eerie