#1
I'm basically new to songwriting and still experimenting with the art. This song is one of the first few songs I ever finished. It already has a musical structure. But I haven't recorded it properly yet. It's mostly about war and violence. Be constructive with your criticism. Again, I'm a newbie at this.

(Note: The lyrics inside the parentheses are intended to be back up/gang vocals)

When The Empire Falls
By: Det

Shattered glass from the broken window
Riot about to come this way
Hear the outrage in their voices
Screaming out loud in the break of day

(As they go and&hellip

Start an alliance against me
Try and make this empire fall
Get inside my master plan
Damage all the surrounding walls
But I swear it in my heart you’ll never....

Fighting back using my mind’s defenses
And a heart of courage that will never break
Praying for this battle to be over
Let’s settle it out in a different way

(But all they do is...)

Start an alliance against me
Trying to make this empire fall
Get inside my master plan
Damage all the surrounding walls
But I swear it in my heart you’ll never....

Fire burning, gunshots everywhere
It’s a fight for freedom, that’s what they always say
Stop this act of endless violence
Taking another innocent life away

(But still they want to&hellip

(Start an alliance against me)
Try and make this empire fall
(Attack until there’s no one left standing)
Finish up your master plan
Damage all the remaining walls

(No, it will never be over)
(This war will never be over)
(Will it ever be over?)

Until this empire falls…
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#2
it was cool, when i was reading it i thought about testament, but thats just me
If you say Randy Rhoads isn't amazing, I will hunt you down (Same for Marty Friedman)Founder of Rhoads/Friedman pm if you want in..
"guitarists have a thing, where their guitar is like an extension of their penis.." well said, ozzy
#3
This is real good. I don't criticize often really, but these are pretty smooth lines, and very open up. The only criticism (I'm literally thinking hard of something I could criticize, really) is that the stanza you repeat, (although you do change it) isn't too strong, especially with you attempting to rhyme fall/walls. You may want to consider more vivid wording and more smooth rhymes for that.

Again, I don't criticize, but that's IMHO.
#4
Thanks for the comments. And P1NKST1TCH, I'm going to keep your suggestion in mind and probably modify the repetition.
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