#1
"The Perfect Morning"

Whats not to love
Wake up to your eyes
Walk up to the window
And open the blinds
Let the sun beam down
Let my whole body shine
A cloud blocks the sun
Yet my body still shines
Turn around see her face
My heart gives her space
She flashes a smile
In her heart I am placed
Forget what awaits
All that lies ahead
This moment is perfect
Right now im content
Reality sets in
I believe I must go
She starts to get ancy
And starts to scream "No!"
She thinks of me daily
For me the same way
I place a kiss on her forehead
She wants the whole thing
As I pull away from her
Her arm brings me back
Leaves me a great reminder
And starts my day on track



Im kinda iffy on the ending, but I like it. Its more of a poem, but if I turn it into a song, itll be a soft, acoustic song.

C4C
#2
Quote by OUfanAP12
"The Perfect Morning"

Whats not to love
Wake up to your eyes
Walk up to the window
And open the blinds
Let the sun beam down
Let my whole body shine
A cloud blocks the sun
Yet my body still shines
You repeated the word "shines." use a synonym. Radiate, glow, something like that.
Turn around see her face
My heart gives her space
She flashes a smile
In her heart I am placed
Forget what awaits
All that lies ahead
This moment is perfect
Right now im content
Reality sets in
I believe I must go
She starts to get ancy
I think it's ansty. Either way, I like that :P
And starts to scream "No!"
She thinks of me daily
For me the same way
I place a kiss on her forehead
She wants the whole thing
As I pull away from her
Her arm brings me back
Leaves me a great reminder
And starts my day on track
I really like the ending of the poem. The only issue that MAY arise is that your feelings may contradict. I'm trying to criticize, this may be intentional, but it almost seems as if she may feel dismay, but you are satisfied. Possibly incorporating grief or mourning from yourself?



Im kinda iffy on the ending, but I like it. Its more of a poem, but if I turn it into a song, itll be a soft, acoustic song.

C4C


Overall, this is very good. It has a very clear meaning, and I like it. I would probably change the ending words for a lot of the sentence but that would reconstruct the whole thing, and the way it is is nice. Most of the lines don't seem to rhyme, but the few close words (such as "eyes, blinds," "perfect, content," "daily, way") may produce some issues. Overall though, I like it. It's very nice and pretty.