#1
A song about a girl.

C4C

The Light
I miss the 'you' that I once knew
I miss the old you
I miss the 'you' that once was true
I miss the old you

Bid you farewell, forever ends now
The minute, you get away
Hold on tight, it ends tonight
But keep your eyes open for the light

Only one of us has been outdone
But we both had to run
We've both been blinded by the sun
But only one of us had fun

Wish you well, forever, gone for good
Always knew I cared more than you ever would
More important than you think, More important than what's right
So keep your eyes open for the light
#2
me likey.
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#3
Quote by JGsox33
A song about a girl.

C4C

The Light
I miss the 'you' that I once knew
I miss the old you
I miss the 'you' that once was true
I miss the old you

Hated the repetition of you. It was horrible to read, the rhymes felt forced everywhere.

Bid you farewell, forever ends now
The minute, you get away (No need for a comma in this line.)
Hold on tight, it ends tonight

Really like it, tonight/tight flow really well as part of one line. The idea has developed and so has your language.

But keep your eyes open for the light

night/light is a generally really cheesy rhyme.

Only one of us has been outdone
But we both had to run
We've both been blinded by the sun

Don't like the repetition of both.

But only one of us had fun

Horrible rhyming in this stanza in general (done/run/sun/fun).

Wish you well, forever, gone for good
Always knew I cared more than you ever would
More important than you think, More important than what's right
So keep your eyes open for the light

Nearly good here, let down by another -ight rhyme, as usual, cheesy.



Too much cheese for me. This was quite dull to read, but it did get better as it went along.