#1
This is prose, a single part of a greater story. This is very short just now, but when all the parts come together, it will be much larger and complex.


He wears a silk coat, scarlet in colour, and conceals a blade within a pocket hidden away from sight. With sleight of hand, he can swiftly grab the hilt and slice your throat. A specialist in his trade: the art of Soulsnatching.

On a rainy night behind a house of ill-repute, he discovers a body, twitching from a wound in the neck. This female, a beautiful almost-cadaver in the glistening moonlight, looks like an angel must look if she had been felled from Heaven and been left to rot on Earth’s rust-ridden streets. He, the man called Stiltskin, pulls the blade from his coat packet and lifts it up to the whimpering girl’s right ear. Grabbing the lobe, he swiftly slices her ear clean off. Dangling it in front of her whispered screams, he licks the blood from the severed skin and cackles in manic delight. Howling toward the moon, he throws the disgarded souvenir at her feet and carries on into the mist of rain.

Elsewhere, away from the man with the blade, another young girl is stricken by a wound to the neck from an invisible assailant sneaking up behind her. Stiltskin, smelling the air, moves silently toward the new victim. He finds her squealing in pain, blood pouring from her neck and between her legs. It puddles, and Stiltskin notices a ubiquitous pattern, that of brickwork and mortar, mirroring the walls of these dark nightways.

Stiltskin smiles.

He lifts her chin up, the pain near-gone from her voice. He then gives her a choice; tell him where her attacker went, or die painfully. She points to a solid brick wall.

Stiltskin lifts his head toward the sky and pans his eyes along the edge of the roof. A stone, knocked loose by an invisible foot, falls from high up there and whistles past his ear. He turns to the girl, thanks her, then thrusts the knife into one of her eyes and pierces her brain. She screams as if a fire is burning within her own head. “Hush Maria,” he says, speaking more to a memory than to the person before him. “Hush now, sweet darling, you won’t feel pain where you shall go.” He stands up, and walks through the wall into the heart of darkness.
#2
Quote by Dæmönika


He wears a silk coat, scarlet in colour, and conceals a blade within a pocket hidden away from sight. I'd change 'away'. hidden from sight or out of sight sounds better to me but it's not a huge deal. You may have your reasons. With sleight of hand, he can swiftly grab the hilt and slice your throat. A specialist in his trade: the art of Soulsnatching.
Ok this was a pretty good opener but I didn't find myself getting into it until later. It does serve a solid purpose and is good on the whole.


On a rainy night behind a house of ill-repute, he discovers a body, twitching from a wound in the neck. This female, a beautiful almost-cadaver in the glistening moonlight, looks like an angel must look if she had been felled from Heaven and been left to rot on Earth’s rust-ridden streets. Loved this. Should it be how an angel must look if she were felled from heaven? I don't know. Something sounded a touch off. Felled was strange as far as flow but the meaning is better that way. He, the man called Stiltskin, pulls the blade from his coat packet and lifts it up to the whimpering girl’s right ear. Grabbing the lobe, he swiftly slices her ear clean off. Dangling it in front of her whispered screams, he licks the blood from the severed skin and cackles in manic delight. Howling toward the moon, he throws the disgarded souvenir at her feet and carries on into the mist of rain.
Now this is intriguing. Great stuff.

Elsewhere, away from the man with the blade, maybe you should say something that makes 'away' seem not so far. Right now I think it's in a whole new setting but then stilstskin arrives right away. another young girl is stricken by a wound to the neck from an invisible assailant sneaking up behind her. I think sneaking up behind her sounds like he is doing so at this very moment but the wound has already occured at this point. It threw me off. I don't think this sounds good but I think saying "who snuck up behind her" is the meaning you are going for. Stiltskin, smelling the air, moves silently toward the new victim. He finds her squealing in pain, blood pouring from her neck and between her legs. It puddles, and Stiltskin notices a ubiquitous pattern, that of brickwork and mortar, mirroring the walls of these dark nightways.
lovely
Stiltskin smiles.

He lifts her chin up, the pain near-gone from her voice. He then gives her a choice; tell him where her attacker went, or die painfully. She points to a solid brick wall.

Stiltskin lifts his head toward the sky and pans his eyes along the edge of the roof. A stone, knocked loose by an invisible foot, falls from high up there I like the rhyme that 'there' adds but it breaks up the pace you have going. and whistles past his ear. He turns to the girl, thanks her, then thrusts the knife into one of her eyes and pierces her brain. She screams as if a fire is burning within her own head. “Hush Maria,” he says, speaking more to a memory than to the person before him. “Hush now, sweet darling, you won’t feel pain where you shall go.” He stands up, and walks through the wall into the heart of darkness.
great


an immense pleasure to read. I always love your stuff but this was especially engrossing. Good to see you (mike, right?). I hope to see more.


~jimmy
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#3
you're back. fantastic. i loved this alot. Really captivating. i now only have one problem - i'm competing with you now, because i'm writing a story too. oh well.