#1
olivia didn't know, so i told her;
a childhood sweetheart. sentiment exchanged through valentine candies and hallmark trandscendence, lydia smyth. nothing like we have olivia, don't sweat it, i threw out the shoe box with all her love letters in it. she's, i don't know, rehab, sleeping in jumped out bmw's or passed out in the theater of some b-list movie. it's all over, haven't talked to her in months, years, i promise.

what? this sweater? yes she bought it for me, probably stole it from some thrift store in memphis where she met that russian playwright alexander. i punched him in the nose for saying he was better than me. he came from some rich inheritance, bought her louis vuitton, dooney and burke for christmas. i gave her all the ticket stubs from the plays and operas we attended, i was poor. i was selfish. i told her i didn't want her with all the up ended baggage, lose the suit, drop the act, cut her hair back short like it was when we were children. she didn't like it, she caught a train north til her cheeks started turning blue and oh god did i miss her.

i threw darts at a map on my wall to determine the places i would search for her. california? nah, too busy, too sunny, she liked the colder climates so she could wear her hand knit sweaters and fur lined jackets with out getting too warm. new york? blah, i tried it. too much traffic, broadway bores her and she had left alexander so she couldn't afford the expenses. maine? she hates the scenery, i remember her getting lost in the woods when we were 16 and no one saw her for weeks, we found her beneath a great pine tree burrowed in bristles with sap in her hair and tears in her eyes, ever since then she can't bear the site of any forestry. finally, i landed on massachusetts and split right away for boston on a greyhound bus.

and yeah, sure enough, i found her rooted in some dive bomb diner sipping coffee with a broken arm. said she got lost in the woods again, her arm got stuck in the hole of a tree trunk while she was looking for something or anything to eat, had to twist it so hard to get it out it dislocated. we talked, laughed, whatever, it was all okay. i had found her. she had found herself but wanted to stay in boston. she met someone, apparently he looked a lot like me, though he could grow a beard and i never could. i didn't get the chance to meet him, but i was glad for her. we drank coffee until we got the jitters. smoked cigarettes, talked of boys and girls we had each dated since the last time we had spoken. yeah, it was all okay. i signed her cast, 'nothing special, everythings the same' and left on a bus back to green bay.

like i said olivia, that was months and months and years ago. i am here now and i love you, and you love me right?
olivia?
olivia???
Last edited by rushmore at Dec 15, 2008,
#2
holy crap
i totally fell in love with this
i really wish you'd get rid of the two 'olivia's at the end though. it keeps it more up in the air
honestly though. beautiful.
i wont even ask for a c4c cause i cant think of anything helpful to say to this, save that its stark genius.
~b
#3
The style read choppy for me, which is good since he's recollecting memories The one thing I didn't really care for was the forest imagery or metaphor or w/e, just not my cup of tea I guess. Capital letters are missing, but that might take away from the reminiscent effect, so I'd say it's fine.
#4
wow this was good. Really good stuff. It killed me waiting to find out what role olivia was gonna have by the end and when I got there, it killed me more. Really great man. Very touching.


and on a sidenote, sometime last year I remember searching for the plains left me flat for some reason and I heard and liked a song or two by flotation toy warning. I finally bought bluffer's guide to the flight deck and I'm really glad I did. I'm very excited for the new album. Thank you for having that user title
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#5
This was so powerfully emotive. You play emotions so well through your pieces and thats what i really love
#6
Should say "in rehab" in that first paragraph, not just "rehab".

Otherwise, this was pretty perfect. I connected so well with this; I love it.

Very powerful.
#7
Just gonna say great piece. very captivating, I loved everything about it.
#8
Quote by jiminizzle
wow this was good. Really good stuff. It killed me waiting to find out what role olivia was gonna have by the end and when I got there, it killed me more. Really great man. Very touching.


and on a sidenote, sometime last year I remember searching for the plains left me flat for some reason and I heard and liked a song or two by flotation toy warning. I finally bought bluffer's guide to the flight deck and I'm really glad I did. I'm very excited for the new album. Thank you for having that user title


haha yeah how the plains left me flat is just such an amazing song. that whole cd is pretty solid too. i myspace messaged the band and the singer responded and he said they are going to try and tour the states after the cd. which is pretty awesome. but you might be from europe and not care so idk.

anyways, thanks for the words.ill be returning some tonight after i finish the book im reading right now.
#9
i live in the us. i'd love to see them live. if they come within a couple hours i'd definately go. it's cool that they responded.

sorry for spamming your piece. bump i guess.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#10
Reminds me of Jack Kerouac
The arena is empty except for one man,
Still driving and striving as fast as he can.
The sun has gone down and the moon has come up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup,
But he's driving and striving and hugging the turns...
#11
never read any kerouac but i read a lot of similar authors so that is possible.
#12
I had this brief feeling like I should just post that this was really good without even reading it... a bad sign?

Anyway, I shall read.

- "talked of boys and girls we had each dated since the last time we had spoken."
- This was one of the only lines that could of maybe been different that would of made more of an impact.

- ". i gave her all the ticket stubs from the plays and operas we attended, i was poor. i was selfish. i told her i didn't want her with all the up ended baggage, lose the suit, drop the act, cut her hair back short like it was when we were children. she didn't like it, she caught a train north til her cheeks started turning blue and oh god did i miss her."
- Favourite part.

- "and i never could"
- I thought this could be 'while I couldn't'. But, that said, it wouldn't be you then. Meh.

This is very funny and very touching. You look at very simple emotions, and I love that, and there is always more to delve into if you want to, you just have to put that extra bit of effort in. It's noticeable and awarded well.

Very very pretty.

*bookmarked*

Digitally Clean
#13
You dress to impress.

Man, I love this..
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching