#1
This is a song I wrote, influenced by TSOP era Death and Quo Vadis. Its kind of Technical/Melodic Death Metal. I am 13. Please give me constructive critisism, and give me ways to improve it. Thanks!!! BTW, its in A Minor.
Attachments:
Songs.zip
Last edited by bulletrocks522 at Apr 8, 2009,
#4
no need to bump something you posted today, mate

I personally think it would be better if you didn't namedropped the highcaliber bands upfront, so people would listen to it with less expectations and note positively that it 'sounds kinda like Death, good job', instead of having a too high standart that comes with when you set yourself up to be compared.
What I mean practically is that, while I can certainly see some inspiration from Death and Quo Vadis (the 5/4 riff for example has a vibe leaning to 'Flesh and the Power it holds', etc), the fact is that in other areas the composition falls short, a flaw made even more apparent if you already invited comparisons with accomplished bands.
One big issue for me would be the transitions. In the sense that there are actually none. While the 'inner' variations of the riffs themselves flow well, and some of the riffs on their own are engaging (example the aforemented 5/4, or the hypnotic clean lines, easily the best part), they are patched together seemingly without sense and just having a 4 bar hold break isn't gonna cut it to glue the sections together. More often than not it feels like a lazy copout to just have some bars of silence/holds between the sections.

Another thing is that the song sorely lacks some simple straightforward 'meat' in driving riifs. Quirky, odd stuff is cool, but you can hardly build a coherent song around that. It's better to focus on some cool straightforward thrashy riffs at first and treat the 'prog' as an extension of that, not the source. Death, for example, rather masterfully arranged their technical stuff with straight riffs so none of it became overbearing and the songs retained a strong sense of direction. I know stuff like that is easier to say than to compose, so try it this way: in between every proggy section you got here replace the boring 'hold a chord for 4 measures' "transitions" with some actual straight riffs, just the usual downpicking stuff, for example, just don't exert yourself to adhere to any arbitrary notion of complexity. Most of Deaths riffs weren't particularly groundbreaking either, but highly enjoyable in the (more important) asskick-department.
Another thing may be to take it more easy on the layering. Having multiple guitars play different lines is a cool thing to do, but often you find some redundancies and can reduce the instrument setup, which helps sonic clarity and thus impact. "More stuff = better than" isn't always true.
A minor thing would be that you could look over some of your fingerings, which seem rather handicapping in places. Anyways, don't take the 'criticism' the wrong way, the fact that I bothered to do a writeup shows that I think this has great potential and you'll only get better in time. Keep up the good work!
#5
I liked the intro, very cool. Reminded me of later-era Death. It was a tiny bit repetitive though, and the huge held chord was unecessary.

The break sounded a bit too much like Death though...the 7/8 bit at measure 41 reminded me of Gordian Knot and Swallow the Sun, so good friggin' job on that. The rhythmically unnacompanied sweeps were shallow and weak.

The transitions are sort of sloppy, sorry to say. That transition from sweeps to bass solo was a bit meh, to be honest. The reprise was okay, but the reintroduction of the four bar held chord was unecessary.

Overall, 7/10. Work on your transitions and keep on with those great clean breaks.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1019838
R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

Quote by eggsandham2
cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
#6
This had some really neat ideas in it...

+ I loved most of the harmonies - but after a while it was a little overplayed
+ You barley ever left the last three strings except to change segments with a whole note 2-0, but when you did it sounded bad ass (Bars 61-62)
+ Nice Prog Bass Work

- No real structure, and I felt that sometimes you were changing timing just to change timing, it really didnt sound right at some parts.
- Like I said, I love harmonized licks as much as the other guy, but too much of anything can be bad imo
- The triplets in bar 64 really didnt flow well with the rest of the song.
- Too many licks, not enough riffs

Anyways, its not really my genre but I enjoyed listening to it. You have a lot of great ideas, I think just sitting down and going over the basics before going all crazy with timing and what not could really help you.

Nice work though mate.
#7
Verry nice dude! can definitally hear the chuck infulence!

one thing that bugs me about it is that it's kinda lacks flow. all the riffs and diff time sigs dont flow into one another.

other than that was good! 7/10
"We carry death out of the village!"
#9
thats cool. i want to be able to make stuff like that.

i tried, look here

only my second thing i wrote myself, though; im new to songwriting
Attachments:
Riff3.zip
My last.fm
Quote by OMMad
i've always found pop to be harder to play than metal... especially shred metal... it's just really fast tremolo picking and the occasional palm mute... and the only chords you have to worry about are power chords...
#10
Quote by Colton165
thats cool. i want to be able to make stuff like that.

i tried, look here

only my second thing i wrote myself, though; im new to songwriting

That's a pretty cool riff you got goin there. But, the addition of 7/8 + 9/8 = 16/8, and It sounds like 4/4 the way you grouped the riff. It only sounds odd if you group it the right way. Good job!!! Sounds Death-like.
#11
Quote by bulletrocks522
That's a pretty cool riff you got goin there. But, the addition of 7/8 + 9/8 = 16/8, and It sounds like 4/4 the way you grouped the riff. It only sounds odd if you group it the right way. Good job!!! Sounds Death-like.

thats what i was going for.

you know a LOT of theory to be just 13, and youre awesome.

damn this hurts my self-esteem (jk)

youre gonna be amazing by the time youre 18 or 19.
My last.fm
Quote by OMMad
i've always found pop to be harder to play than metal... especially shred metal... it's just really fast tremolo picking and the occasional palm mute... and the only chords you have to worry about are power chords...
#12
Quote by bulletrocks522
That's a pretty cool riff you got goin there. But, the addition of 7/8 + 9/8 = 16/8, and It sounds like 4/4 the way you grouped the riff. It only sounds odd if you group it the right way. Good job!!! Sounds Death-like.


16/8 also equals two measures of 8/8...

So...two measures of 4/4.
R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

Quote by eggsandham2
cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
#13
Quote by Slaytanic1993
16/8 also equals two measures of 8/8...

So...two measures of 4/4.

Yep

Do you think the new version is any better???? Tell me what you think
#15
Ok some really spectacular melodies in there but it feels to me like the song isn't going anywhere. Some parts are just too random and do not fit with the rest of the song.
But if you do feel the need to keep those sporadic riffs you should vary your transitions. Too many times you let a note ring for 3 bars or so and go off in a totally different direction, which is ok once or twice in a song but it gets too predictable and cliche after that.
#16
I'd have to go with what Kevin67 said, it's just all over the place.
Most of the melodies don't flow into one another.
I'm not a fan of the drums but I'm not a fan of death drums in general so ignore that.
Seriously, you might want to add in some "weird" percussion like a cowbell or a bongo here and there to mix it up a little if that isn't too anti-death.
How about using some hammerons and pull offs for more flow?


Crit back if you feel like it: Nilpferdkoenigs Song
#17
bulletrocks you yourself have 7/8 and 9/8 at bar 33
My Metal (gp5) Songs


Quote by iimjpii

Quote by TEK34
A PE teachers got a shotput in the side of the dead


Head + dead = dead?
#18
dude, sweet song, that seems a bit more like melodic death metal though.
i will try to learn this song.
if i do, i will get a good quality recording of it.
#19
Like they were saying, there aren't many transitions between parts. A few seconds of drums only doesn't count.

That being said, there's some good riffage in here, and I really liked the piano part that came about halfway through.

The riff at bar 62 was awesome, too bad there was no transition leading up to it. I used to have a hard time with transitions, sometimes i still do.

Good stuff, just wish it could have flowed a little better
Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=18485799#post18485799
#22
Nice man, as other people have said though yeah the transitions need some work although I can see what you were going for with the 'transitions' which were chords fading. Excellent harmonies aswell. With the transitions, not having a transition between riffs can work sometimes. A good technique to use early in the song is to not transition between two completely unrelated riffs then near the end of the song transition them.
Anyway I liked the song, could be an album opener/closer or maybe an interlude for an album.
BTW when I opened up the file (i only have a mac) i could only open the midi and there was two other files which were non-excercutble on the imac. What do those files contain do they have you playing real (not midi) guitar over it or are they other formats?
C4C?
Mine's the death of cthulu.
キタ━━━━(・∀・)━━━━!!
Quote by Ichikurosaki
shred knows more about everything than anyone i think

Quote by IchiKurosaki
i hope we never meet shjred honestly i love you but im scared of you
Last edited by Shredoftheday at Feb 7, 2009,