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#1
so saturday night, i go to my friends par-tay. everything was kickin' ass, i's havin' some fukking birs and had a nice buzz going on. there were doobies left, right, and centre which made my buzz even more kick ass. plus the chewns were loud, bass-heavy, and extra grimey. everyone was having a dope time, especially me.

it got even better when this total babe came over to me and was all over me. she had massive, natural tits, so naturally i was all like "fukk yeah." One thing led to another, and you know how it is at par-tays so we went upstairs to an empty bedroom. When i took her shirt off, i noticed her armpits hadn't been shaved in awhile, but she was super hot so i didn't think anything of it. What a grave mistake that was....

so she took off my pants and was gonna give me dome (head). fukk yeah, free dome (head) (i'm used to hiring prostitutes).as she inched her head closer to my pen0r, she pulled her hand outta nowhere and sandpapered my mini mr.happyman! then, she threw a smoke bomb down and dissapeared. (for those that dont know what sandpapered means, it's when a chick takes sand paper and scrapes your pekker up with it).

It turns out she was an undercover dirty-hippie-feminist getting her revenge on men. i've heard of this happening before, but i thought i'd be safe. i learnt my lesson, i hope you can learn yours.

now mini-mr.happyman is really hurt, and this psychotic hobag is on the loose. what should i do?
#4
Take a saw to mini mr happyman, but instead of a saw, a butter knife.
The Prime Factorisation of the number of the beast : 2x3x3x37
#8
Quote by Trefellin
You know a music scene is fucked up when it becomes difficult to keep track of who killed who, who committed suicide and who alledgedly engaged in cannibalism.

LastFM
#9
Seems like you still have a buzz on.

Quote by mr.happyman


so she took off my pants and was gonna give me dome (head). fukk yeah, free dome (head) (i'm used to hiring prostitutes).as she inched her head closer to my pen0r,


Lol wut?

Tireedit:

Best story thread I've read in the pit in awhile.

Kinda spam/trollish, but still......
Last edited by Tire Me. at Dec 15, 2008,
#10


Alarm bells should have started ringing at the hairy armpits. Bad luck son...
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^ you are wise


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There's been sooo many threads done on this; I don't even wanna hear that you used the searchbar. Staring at it and giggling does not count.
The worlds fu cked up and we lit the fuse, its all used up what you gonna do?
#13
Quote by TS
so naturally i was all like "fukk yeah."
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Mom <3
#15
yer could not understand half of what you wrote...

DO.....YOU....SPEAK......E.N.G.L.I.S.H?
I Won't Let This Build Up Inside Of Me

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muhat gandy
+Sideways 8

Well thats me set ^^
#16
You are used to hiring prostitutes at the age of 16?


Dude...get laid...


...seriously...


( at the bull**** story)
#17




I'm having mixed feelings about this
Quote by Carmel
You are a redeeming feature for the UG Swedish population.


All-riiight.
#18
Owned.

Feel bad for your pen0r though. That's gotta hurt.

Alarm bells should've rang at the hairy pits though.
Posted from Ubuntu.

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On slapping on a bass:
Quote by supersac
pretend its a woman
i have no helpful advice

#22
massive lolz
Quote by mr.happyman
so she took off my pants and was gonna give me dome (head). fukk yeah, free dome (head) (i'm used to hiring prostitutes).as she inched her head closer to my pen0r, she pulled her hand outta nowhere and sandpapered my mini mr.happyman!
#25
Quote by CG Man16
find her and rape her to i cum blood
then draw a pear on her tits
this. dont forget to shout "UG! UG!"
Quote by mr.happyman
so she took off my pants and was gonna give me dome (head). fukk yeah, free dome (head) (i'm used to hiring prostitutes).as she inched her head closer to my pen0r, she pulled her hand outta nowhere and sandpapered my mini mr.happyman!
#27
she sanded you cus you still spell party "par-tay"
fight the power... with peace

Originally Posted by Cockpuncher 2.0
Fail town, population you


When God said "Let there be light", Joey Jordison said "Say please".

Man is a universe within himself
Bob Marley
Pox!
#29
Quote by Tire Me.
Seems like you still have a buzz on.
Lol wut?

what can i say? i prostitutes. they'll be your girlfriend...for a price.


Quote by Supertait


Alarm bells should have started ringing at the hairy armpits. Bad luck son...

you've gotta remember that i had a pretty mean buzz goin' down. usually i woulda kicked some hippie ass (which is why i wish i coulda been a swat member in the sixties - whole other story), but... yeah.
#30
Quote by mr.happyman
chewns

Dead-on
"But first...are you...experienced?"
#32
No sh-t it's a troll. That being said, the "fukk yeah free dome" and "I'm used to hiring prostitutes" parts made me laugh.
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He was too stunned by my fresh truths.

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"And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you darn kids and your meddling and your breakadowns!"

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Metal is a sub-genre of metalcore since metalcore is more popular therefore better.
#33
Quote by mr.happyman
what can i say? i prostitutes. they'll be your girlfriend...for a price.


you've gotta remember that i had a pretty mean buzz goin' down. usually i woulda kicked some hippie ass (which is why i wish i coulda been a swat member in the sixties - whole other story), but... yeah.



I think another thread is in order.
#35
Quote by mr.happyman
what can i say? i prostitutes. they'll be your girlfriend...for a price.


you've gotta remember that i had a pretty mean buzz goin' down. usually i woulda kicked some hippie ass (which is why i wish i coulda been a swat member in the sixties - whole other story), but... yeah.



hahahaha

What a tool!


"They'll be your girlfriend...for a price"

He couldn't have made that much creepier.
#36
Lucky sonofabitch
I throw myself into the sea,
Release the wave,
Let it wash over me
To face the fears, I once believed
Tears of the Dragon, for you, and for me...
#37
Quote by mr.happyman
what can i say? i prostitutes. they'll be your girlfriend...for a price.


But the point of a gf is free sex.

*puts up sexism shield*
Get a Carvin. Do it.
#39
Quote by therealtater
what grit sandpaper?

oh it was rough! i'd say (but this is just a guess) around 1355 to aboot 1575 grit. yeah, it hurt...alot.
Quote by Tire Me.
I think another thread is in order.

it will come one day, maybe not today, maybe not tommorow. but it will come (when i feel like typing again.)
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