#1
This is a song I wrote a little while ago.
Kinda a slap in the face at some of the things our nation is doing.
I may not agree with what our nation does as a whole,
but I support our troups. This is for them.

All for What

I watch as cities are bombed,
Soldiers taken down,
It never stops to amaze how this all came around.
See, people fight over the dumbest of things,
They have something you want,
or something you need,
But these actionss will never cease,
It’s apart of our every day lives,
I just wish no one else would die

Bullets are flying,
Soldiers are dying,
All for what?!
Children are screaming,
Citizens fleeing,
All for what?!

“Another day another dollar”,
That’s what the man thinks,
They never stop to smell the roses,
Or see how our nation sinks.
They’re so concerned with one little thing,
Economic activities over seas,
It chokes me up, barely able to breathe,
But it’s apart of our every day lives,
I just wish no one else would die.

Bullets are flying,
Soldiers are dying,
All for what?!
Children are screaming,
Citizens fleeing,
All for what?!

Bullets are flying,
Soldiers are dying,
All for what?!
Children are screaming,
Citizens fleeing,
All for what?!

[Spoken]

How can we let this be, this is our nation.
We should take a rise, and fight
For the sole survival of what we hold dear,
And what we cherish the most.

NOOO

Bullets are flying,
Soldiers are dying,
All for what?!
Children are screaming,
Citizens fleeing,
All for what?!

Bullets are flying,
Soldiers are dying,
All for what?!
Children are screaming,
Citizens fleeing,
All for what?!
#2
Really interesting song.

I like how the verses are worded like a casual conversation and how they contrast with the angry chorus.

What I would change,
Try to improve flow within the verses and match up line-length.

And maybe have a variation on the "all for what" line.
If not in each different chorus, maybe in the first say "fall for us" or "call on us", then say "all for what?"
Something to change it up a little.

I'm kinda liking the piece.
Haven't heard a good protest song in awhile
Blindfolds aside I'd probably still close my eyes

And try to feel a trembling fetal life inside
that shotgun barrel that's about to make me bleed

Like an ulcer in the stomach of the beast


Quote by Aurex
your sarcasam amuses me


CSUSM
#3
I think a well placed "all for not" would be good for this song
Lord Gold feeds from your orifices and he wants to see you sweat.
Lord Gold probes you publicly and makes your pussy wet.
Now say his name.....
#5
The chorus had a definate rhythm to it, but I couldn't really find a rhythm to the verse, although it smoothed out a little after the first. Lyrically, though, it's pretty good. I don't like the first verse too much, but it's definatly not bad, just a low point in comparison. And thanks for your crit on mine.
#6
"It never stops to amaze how this all came around."
Shouldn't it be "it never stops to amaze me" ?

"Bullets are flying,
Soldiers are dying,
All for what?!
Children are screaming,
Citizens fleeing,
All for what?!"

Nice flow in this. adding "are" after citizens like on the other lines would have disrupted it.

Overall i quite like it. Nice song.

Could you look at mine in my sig plz ?