#1
C4C

Song I wrote about how my girlfriends yelling at me for **** I didnt do. Let me know what you think. Ill gladly take a look at anyone elses work, and let them know what I think if you leave a link.

[INTRO]

[VERSE]
Condemned of my sins before I
Commit this horrid crime
Prejudicial tendencies
Just let me do the time

This way of life to me
Is nothing really new
Commiting acts of treason
They are all in spite of you

[CHORUS]
Hatred of the way you see me
But I know its
You that completes me

Nothing wrong with this feature
You’re the angel
Im the creature

[VERSE]
Slay the dragon slay the beast
Cut out its beating heart
Hold it right there in your hands
Where I wanted it from the start

The spoils of victory
Taste sweeter than you think
The constant need for the pain
Brings me back from the brink

[CHORUS]
Hatred of the way you see me
But I know its
You that completes me

Nothing wrong with this feature
You’re the angel
Im the creature

[BRIDGE]
[SOLO]

[VERSE]
Even the most faint of smiles
You believe it’s a trap
Tired of getting stepped on
This beast with jaws can snap

Tame the beast within my soul
I do it every day
Trying to contain the rage
Brought on by just the way

You look at me with scornful eyes
When I have done no wrong
Every time I see them glare
My thoughts will remain strong

[CHORUS]
Hatred of the way you see me
But I know its
You that completes me

Nothing wrong with this feature
You’re the angel
Im the creature
#2
Good. I like the use of metaphores. Only problem I see is:

Commiting acts of treason
They are all in spite of you

That seems to mean to me that you're doing whatever despite the fact that she's there, I think you mean TO spite you, or something of the sort. A thought. If I may take you up on your offer, my song "Smile Again" is posted on this board. Thanks.
#3
Nothing wrong with this feature
You’re the angel
Im the creature


This is my favorite part^^

You are not terrible at writing! These are actually pretty good. I found that once I started writing things that didn't rhyme, the rhyming started becoming easier. It takes time to get good at writing. I really don't even like to call it writing, it's more like manipulating words to make them mean what I want them to. So if you want to get better at the song writing format try writing poetry.

Also I find it very fun to write about just one moment. Like.....instead of writing a love song, write about the kiss, the moment. I find it very.....theraputic.

Just some tips on getting better. Overall I liked this peice alot. It was a nice little read. Thanks for all the compliments and concern. Hope I could be of some help. Cheers.....

Listen to my covers here.


"Some even claim that I'm a terror, a dictator and they're right." - Lou Reed


AK-ROWDY