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#1
I just bought her an acoustic guitar for her birthday, so that's out. What are the three other Pit goers with girlfriends getting them for Christmas, and what would you advise?

It has to be something relatively inexpensive given my poverty, but obviously not enough that it'd make her mad and she wouldn't want to have hot Christmas sex under the tree where Santa sits near the beach (her promise to me).

In anticipation of the inevitable Pit responses:
- Rape is out, because I want to give her something that would mean that she would actually want to sex me without the trip to jail that rape incurs. Plus, she'd as soon cut my balls off.
- Dick In A Box: swore off it after I tried it with an ex as a joke. She slapped me in the face and I didn't get any until we broke up.
- Fap: see section on rape.

If it helps; she's into Twilight (but her best friend has that covered), martial arts (another reason why I fear rape as a gift), most music other than uber br00tal shredder metalz...most other girly things which I'm not expert about.

Godamnit I have no idea why I'm asking the Pit...
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#3
Flowers.

And a severed head.
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#4
dick in a box of course

or send her a picture of your thumb
make the clothes fall off
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#5
put a bow over yor dick
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#6
Flowers are too cliche.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#8
I'm making mine a love heart out of wood

Awwwwwww!
The will be heartache,
there will be rain,
and joy I can't explain.
#9
Just get some cheap jewellery. Around christmas they discount that stuff heaps.

Or a dick in a box.
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Thanks for the advice. I'm going to put it, along with your other advice, into a book, the pages of which I will then use to wipe my ass.
#10
Quote by BreakingBnj


And a severed head.


nah its a gun rack
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Captainjack666
the lord of sexyness...
#11
I got nothing personal against the Dick in a Box. It's just that this one has even more of a temper than the one who locked her vagina against me because of it, so she'd probably kick my arse and put my penis in a meat grinder.

And I like my penis. Because of it's existence, every morning I can look past the man thongs, pink duvet cover and a-Ha CDs and say to myself, "You're a man."
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#13
I got mine jewelry because I couldn't be bothered to really think.
#14
We don't know her, how should we know what you should get your girlfriend?
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
#15
I reckon I'll just go with jewellery, unless someone has another idea that's a bit more unique. Plus, I was gonna play her a song I wrote also so that should cover it.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#16
Quote by shadow__666
I got nothing personal against the Dick in a Box. It's just that this one has even more of a temper than the one who locked her vagina against me because of it, so she'd probably kick my arse and put my penis in a meat grinder.

And I like my penis. Because of it's existence, every morning I can look past the man thongs, pink duvet cover and a-Ha CDs and say to myself, "You're a man."


Someone give this man the internet.

Thats the funniest thing ive read for a long time!

#17
I'd just go with jewlery, or if I had a metal chick, a CD, or I'd write them a song, either way.
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#18
And I like my penis. Because of it's existence, every morning I can look past the man thongs, pink duvet cover and a-Ha CDs and say to myself, "You're a man."



^^^sig worthy
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Trivium
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And I like my penis. Because of it's existence, every morning I can look past the man thongs, pink duvet cover and a-Ha CDs and say to myself, "You're a man."


#19
Quote by Jack Off Jill
We don't know her, how should we know what you should get your girlfriend?


That's why I asked what the other three Pit monkeys who have girlfriends are getting them, so I have a basic idea. I'm not used to buying them real presents, but she's a keeper.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#20
Quote by shadow__666
That's why I asked what the other three Pit monkeys who have girlfriends are getting them, so I have a basic idea. I'm not used to buying them real presents, but she's a keeper.


You do know all people are different right? You haven't given us enough information about her.

I don't know... dig her up Bruce Lee or something.
#21
Quote by shadow__666
That's why I asked what the other three Pit monkeys who have girlfriends are getting them, so I have a basic idea. I'm not used to buying them real presents, but she's a keeper.



What I mean is, if you're going to buy her a gift you're better off getting her something she'd like. We don't know what she likes. For example, if a girl ever asked someone on the internet what to get me for my birthday, and she was told that I might like a throwback Jersey or some kind of big ridiculous looking pinky ring, she'd be wrong. She knows me better than they do. Therefore, she should get me a Godzilla action figure.

So get her this:
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
#22
^No, I got that for me.

I expected a bunch of rape jokes, I didn't expect a sensible rebuke.

The thing is, I don't actually know what she'd like that one of her mates hasn't covered. But as usual, I have learnt to trust my instincts and ignore the Pit.

Jewellery and a song it is. Now to find something that looks classy but won't upset the fragile balance of my bank account.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#23
Get her a vial of your own semen to wear around her neck.
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Neopowell, that's because you are a pumped-up sex offender.
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You're exactly the kind of person who'd have sex in a bar drunk
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#26
Quote by dann_blood
Just get some cheap jewellery. Around christmas they discount that stuff heaps.


+1
-Rudy

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#28
Plastic surgery
Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who...
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#29
Quote by neopowell
Get her a vial of your own semen to wear around her neck.



I agree. At least that's what I would want if I was a girl...
#35
Boots, DVDs, and a Purse.

Not been a cheap one.
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#36
imdeth just enhances a thread with his presence.. haha. I dunno. Get her an animal.
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#37
Already getting my little sister a puppy. I'm not a godamned zoo, and bunny rabbits and other animals that don't make a mess aren'c cheap or available en masse at any RSPCA building.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#38
Quote by shadow__666
Already getting my little sister a puppy. I'm not a godamned zoo, and bunny rabbits and other animals that don't make a mess aren'c cheap or available en masse at any RSPCA building.

Bunnies are really easy to get a hold of. Go to a small pet shop where there is only one employee working, ask her to check for something in the back, and stick it under your coat while she's back there.

Trust me, it's really easy. That's how I got my bunny Scottie.. He died about two years later.
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
#39
Quote by Jack Off Jill
Bunnies are really easy to get a hold of. Go to a small pet shop where there is only one employee working, ask her to check for something in the back, and stick it under your coat while she's back there.

Trust me, it's really easy. That's how I got my bunny Scottie.. He died about two years later.


Probably from the guilt of being an illegitimately acquired pet.

EDIT: Catch a duck, they're pretty cool 'n shit, yo.
#40
Quote by soulflyV
Probably from the guilt of being an illegitimately acquired pet.

EDIT: Catch a duck, they're pretty cool 'n shit, yo.

He looked sick and unhappy in there and I didn't have a job at the time. I wanted to steal a dog that was in this really small cage underneath a table, but it would have been a lot more noisy. I still feel bad for that poor dog..

Scottie lived a happy life, you take that back. He used to hop over and lick my face.

Edit: Good luck catching a duck. I tried catching some when they were all over Lake St. Louis. I even destroyed my cell phone diving in after them.
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
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