#1
Beyond the wall, he finds himself in a large cavernous room, the walls opposite him indiscernible. On the floor in the centre of the room is a pentagram, drawn crudely in red crayon. Beyond that, on the far wall, is a door no more than four feet high, far too small to be able to pass through without stooping down. The man he has been chasing is by that door, smiling. There is someone standing to his left on the other side of the door; he holds a candlestick, unlit.

Stiltskin begins to move but the man with the white hair shouts to him to halt; Stiltskin does so. Whitehair moves away from the door toward the pentagram, roughly twenty paces. “We, which are I and my companion over there,” {motioning to Candlestick} “have a challenge for you. If you succeed, we will let you pass and concede defeat. If you are to fail, we take your life. Sound fair?” He laughs.

Stiltskin nods and asks for the challenge.

“Simple, you must move to the door roughly fifty paces from your current location. However, you must only move two feet. Perfectly simply reasonable.” He laughs again, a viciously evil reverberation. He moves back by the door, waiting patiently, the smile never waning from his rat face.

Stiltskin stands there for no more than twenty seconds, and then asks his hosts to not move a muscle whilst he attempts this puzzle. The guardians of his life agree, one speaking on behalf of both, such is the synecdoche of the pair. Stiltskin moves forward a pace then halts. He then takes another step, and Whitehair’s laughter is heard murmuring from his lungs as he tries to stifle the tears of joy welling up from his eyes.

Stiltskin, replaying the challenge in his head, then simply walks the rest of the way to the door, garnering raucous applause from one member of his audience. Stiltskin rests his hands on the handle to the door, but Whitehair’s velvet glove grasps his hand.

“Now now, I do believe we have the right to take your life, do we not?” Candlestick, giving the first signs of life, moves laboriously to Stiltskin’s other flank.

Stiltskin clicks his tongue. “You had a very serious flaw in your puzzle, sir. You see, you never mentioned anything other than two feet, so I took it to mean what I wanted it to mean. So instead of thinking it had anything whatsoever to do with distance, I decided it could also be taken literally, which is why I asked the two of you not to move, so while I walked over here, your feet never moved. So I think you shall find that I managed to get to the door moving only two feet; my own. Now I really must pass, my day is going to become a very busy day.”

And with that, Stiltskin opens the door, leaving Candlestick to receive a rather large beating from the man with red hair.
#4
haha.

I'm a fan of your writing, but to be honest, the two feet challenge was very predictable. As a part of a larger work, I see this as much more acceptable but, the point remains.

This probably is the reason I wasn't as engaged in mystery and all that as I was during the first, however, I feel no less inclined to wait for the next part and continue reading.

Enjoyed it
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#5
there was something not right about this. specially the dialogue. It just doesn't feel right, an some of the wording is really clumsy. Stuff like "Perfectly simply reasonable." It just reads and sounds wrong. Apart from a few things like that, this was a solid piece, but nowhere near as good as the first half. i might come back and nit pick this properly.
#6
Quote by Dæmönika
Yes it is!! I don't really care. Thanks for the crit, I'm sure I'll find it useful.


and he's got a sense of humor...

I think the problem is that your delivery is too "perfect". There are times where you mention thing I don't think are important, like when Whitehair moves "roughly 20 paces", or how the wall is indiscernible. But it's more than that, and I can't quite pin down what.

Also, the conclusion to the puzzle was just... it wasn't witty or interesting. I looked at it and thought "oh, we're getting technical now".

Flog me if I'm wrong, but that's all I can think to say.
#7
another thing that bothered me about this is it read like one of those mind-teasers out of a MENSA book or something, instead of a story. You set up a puzzle, then solve it.