#1
i will never tell a women she is beautiful.
as far as it concerns anyone,
medusa is a seven letter word.
now i have her counting.

from one to six, then we got stoned.
gentle skips over the pond
lips joining together, but never touching
outreach of joy in each of our lives.

releasing endorphins was not on my mind.
books about walt- double you,
pincones spitting out sappy vowels,
we were on the bank cashing out our experiences.

my bobber sank.

tug -a -war with a trout
"you got one!" she shouts.
reached back to my pocket for a knife.
snap went my line.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
Last edited by freshtunes at Dec 18, 2008,
#2
I really dug this.

Only thing I didn't really like was the last two lines of the first stanza. It felt pretty gimmicky compared to the rest of this.

But on the whole, impressive stuff. I liked it slightly better before you added "my bobber sank" though.
#3
now this is much better. Great little piece, clever and snappy. I agree with Corey about the first two lines tho