#1
My second song, go easy.

I wrote this one about my grandfather who recently passed away. Much of it is personal, so don't expect to make sense of anything until you read my blog. Even then, little will make sense.

Also, you have to imagine some harmonies again because I can't be posting my whole song every time. Anyways, here it is:


Patriarch
Always fixing everything

Waits for no one
Except for her

You are
Up in the air

No one knew
The half of your story

Humility is a word
You must’ve heard

The flames
They stretched to the heavens

We all
Could see

Your ever lasting
Influence from space
#2
Firstly, my condolences to you, sir.

Now on to my comments.

As far as poetics go, this is interesting. It has a very nice disjointed feel to the whole thing, which, whether incidental or on purpose, links back to the origin of the lyrics.

Even not reading your blog, I get a sense of an epic story behind this, which makes me want to find out more.

The one issue i have with this, however, is that you call it a song. I don't mean to offend, but personally i find that it would be very tough to actually sing this in a way that would justify it's existance as lyrics.

for me, it's better left as poetry.

But all the same, an interesting and enjoyable departure from the norm!
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-------------------------

Lyrical Insanity:

Chasing Shadows
#3
hmm, its ok but i feel its a little limp, could do with maybe a few more lines - I gained interest and then it ended.

You are
Up in the air

I think these lines are too simple for the poem

keep writing though, some good images in this