#1
well, this is it folks. this is goodbye. im going down south for the holly-days and i dont know how much internet access i'll have. its been a great year, ive got to know some great (and not so great - you know who i mean *cough*Zach*cough*) people, and read some amazing, and shitty, pieces of poetry/lyrics. To all those who helped me in some way, thank you. To all those who read my work and left a comment, thank you. To those who shot me down in a ball of flame, i know here you live So, rambling over, for old times sake, merry christmas all, go out and get smashed.


farewell (drunken musing of a pissed-off albino)

and the dish ran away with the spoon...


Stop thinking so much
Stop
thinking so
much
\
break

ho, ho, ho
its nearly Christmas;
according to the two-fers in the stores
and the small, pansy trees in the park
playing dress-up and make believe.

sideways

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,
not this same monotomy of sand, surf and fun.
Holidays!?
bah, humbug.
Give me a bag and a gun,
two shots of whiskey and a small heart-shaped chocolate,
that’s all a real man needs!

timewarp

but really,
why do we hide
behind empty facades
and plasticine masks?
we are not the ones in the marksman’s sight,
we are stuck between the arrow and the always

petty philosophy of a punch-drunk
pissed-off albino,
we are all human
we are all

human
dancer

come dance with me,
by the sea,
buy the see,
to see what he could see
and all that he could see see see
was the bottom
(ha, you said bottom)

I’m not drunk,
I’m just fucked-up,
MPD, schizo, bonkers,
nuts like snickers,
nuts like a bag of peanuts.
one car short of a parade
one monk shy of an orgy
one priest shy of a paedophile
God would appreciate the irony,
if he weren’t rolling in his retirement super
and singing killswitch songs at the top of his lungs.

you never told me where to go,
so why do you seem so surprised
when I walk into walls?
Merry Christmas, fuckers,
I’ll see y’all on the flip side.
Last edited by kdownes at Dec 19, 2008,
#2
That was an interesting as hell piece. Really good, the word play especially. About half way through the song the flow somewhat changed, maybe that's just me and how I read it in my head, but it was a bit of a hiccup. Still extremely good though. I especially liked the little breaks between each stanza.
And in theme of the piece,
Have a Merry ****in' Christmas!
this one is for you.
#3
thanks, Eb. I never found out your name. The flow shift is deliberate, im glad you picked up on it. Poem not a song by the way, though i dont even think poem is the right name for whatever the hell this is. The flow shift is to illustrate a personality shift.
#5
Merry christmas, Erik (can i call you Erik The Viking?). I gave you an early present by gracing your piece with a comment. Feel privileged :P. Christ, I feel wierd.
#6
Quote by Ebshabutiee
That was an interesting as hell piece. Really good, the word play especially. About half way through the song the flow somewhat changed, maybe that's just me and how I read it in my head, but it was a bit of a hiccup. Still extremely good though. I especially liked the little breaks between each stanza.
And in theme of the piece,
Have a Merry ****in' Christmas!


+1

I really like it. Eb said pretty much everything I think...

Anyway, yeah, have a good Christmas
#7
merry christmas to you, too. glad you enjoyed it. Well, this is it, im off to bed and probably wont see you guys for another two weeks.
#8
I really liked it all... apart from any Christmas references. I tend not to enjoy "relevant" pieces, such as Christmas poems at this time of year, school stuff in September, and any kind of recent events. Just me though. (If I remember, I think I'll post a Christmas themed one up here in the summer. That should frick you all over.)

Brilliant anyways.
#10
Tomorrow, or the day after, I'll get in to this. Nag me.

Did you put dancing and the phrase 'we are all' together intentionally?
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#12
haha killers reference. i enjoy that album. Goodnight travel well specifically.


on the piece
it was fun to read. There was some good stuff and cool ideas in there but to be honest, I was entirely unaffected to this and I think you feel the same way (at least that's the impression I get from it). I don't mean to be so negative. That's just the only way I can think of to say what I mean.

i did enjoy reading this, man.
Merry Christmas
Have a good time.
See ya next year
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#13
This was what I've been waiting to read from you. To be honest, as much as I've always dug your stuff (I mean, I voted for you over Jimmy last month); you've always kind of hidden your personality behind the story... and not let it effect the story and how it plays out. This was just pure personality and quirk and emotional detachment handled masterfully.

It needs cleaned up. There is **** here that is sloppy.. you can find that if you want... but this just shows a whole new level of you that I knew was there but you've always hidden. You need to allow this strange uncontrollable side of you into your normale writing. Give your narrator a voice... give him a tinge of personality and a dash of what the fuck. It will take your pieces to a whole new level.... a level where not only am I reading something cool... I'm living it, because god-damnit... the narrator is reading to me in his own damn voice and its believable and tangible and quirky and interesting and not flat.

this in itself was cool... but disengaged... you didn't strike your reader or show them... hey, read me and learn.... but it does demonstrate a whole new side of writing you haven't tapped into yet... and you need to.

This was still fun though.

Merry Christmas, Happy new Year, see you in January etc... tampon dick.
#14
Revise this. In a week. As said
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#16
I really dug this. Interesting style, and interesting wording. Something that's been done before on this forum, no doubt, but definitely cool to see you expanding your horizons into this sort of flippant style.

I'd like to see more of it.

I hope you have the merriest of Christmases down here, despite your cynicism.

#17
Katherine: that was completely unintentional. I never noticed

Andre and Jimmy: I was wondering whether anyone would pick up on the killers reference.

Thanks everyone for the crits, especially Zach. I'll get back to all of you sometime in the New Year. Promise
#18
When I read the bit at the start, I thought you were going for good - score! - then I realized you were only going for a few weeks. Don't scare me like that, dumplin'.

This piece was disturbingly personal. Like Zach said, it had a lot of a persons character and their weird wonderings, expressing various different thoughts and emotions that are proud to be slightly disconnected from each other.
It showed courage and charisma by the way in which you were letting off 'steam' here. The pride and confidence in the pieces meanderings is evident and helps make it more than just an enjoyable display of nuttiness.

Hope to see you soon, Kyle.

Digitally Clean