#1
This is a metal song I wrote about the serial killer Richard Ramirez, who was a fan of Judas Priest and AC/DC. Tell me what you think. For some of the audio there will be a link below. I ask that you tell me what you think of that as well

Verse:
Jack the Knife are the words you write
Mocking them as you cut them to shreds
Courtesy can you show to me
Killing thee swears on your deity

Born and raised a childhood ablaze
Cannabis was his devil's kiss
Night Prowler changed the moniker
Hellrider has oiled his lighter

NightStalker
He doesn't care for you
NightStalker
You won't live the night through

Tons of words can't obtain
What his eyes can contain

Doesn't know that his world's alone
Hiding from, the peace he left behind
Kills in hope we'll throw him a bone
Blasphemy we cannot save you

NightStalker
He doesn't care for you
NightStalker
You won't live the night through

Fueled for destruction

-guitar solo-

Fear in his eyes
Fights in this plight
For peace of mind
He'd kill mankind

Identity his lifeline so long
Gassed to death is where you belong
beaten down from ending their lives
Unconscious from blows by their pipes

NightStalker
He doesn't care for you
NightStalker
He fears what you can do

(Scream)


To hear some of the audio go here
http://musicnation.com/music/scithe
(That is only a demo with a drum machine.)
#2
Quote by Silas S Thompso
This is a metal song I wrote about the serial killer Richard Ramirez, who was a fan of Judas Priest and AC/DC. Tell me what you think. For some of the audio there will be a link below. I ask that you tell me what you think of that as well

Verse:
Jack the Knife are the words you write
Mocking them as you cut them to shreds
Courtesy can you show to me
Killing thee swears on your deity

Well, this I must say, I really really like, nothing I can say, seems good enough to me!
Very Well done.


Born and raised a childhood ablaze
Cannabis was his devil's kiss
Night Prowler changed the moniker
Hellrider has oiled his lighter

Again this is great, fantastic.

NightStalker
He doesn't care for you
NightStalker
You won't live the night through

This just didn't do it for me, I mean it is well done, but compared to the first two, it lacks somewhat, maybe try to fiddle with that a little, I dunno, up to you.

Tons of words can't obtain
What his eyes can contain

This is nice, it works, thats all that matters, well done.

Doesn't know that his world's alone
Hiding from, the peace he left behind
Kills in hope we'll throw him a bone
Blasphemy we cannot save you

Seems that your verses are fantastic, the chorus just seems to lack a little, thats all.

NightStalker
He doesn't care for you
NightStalker
You won't live the night through

Fueled for destruction

nice again, i like this line.

-guitar solo-

Fear in his eyes
Fights in this plight
For peace of mind
He'd kill mankind

Again, wonderful.

Identity his lifeline so long
Gassed to death is where you belong
beaten down from ending their lives
Unconscious from blows by their pipes

the last line seems awkward to me, apart from that, brilliant.

NightStalker
He doesn't care for you
NightStalker
He fears what you can do

(Scream)
thats always good


To hear some of the audio go here
http://musicnation.com/music/scithe
(That is only a demo with a drum machine.)


Overall a very nice bit of work, maybe fiddle with the chorus and that last line of the last verse and it would be fantastic! well done.

If you could C4C, I'd be really appreciative if you could look over "twelve walls" for me
the link is in my sig.
Cheers!