This is the first real piece that I've posted in here, and the first thing I've felt comfortable sharing with anyone for a while so here goes.

Drawing is about seeing,
Seeing is looking at what's there.
Your enlightenment was only a one day affair
seeing as your perscription for solitude, happiness
and safety only allowed two refills.

Drawing is thinking,
Thinking is rarely popular.
A moment frozen in time exchanged
for silence and the abuse of a
less than favorable past.
Reliving what's been done
doesn't make you a timetraveller.

Drawing is feeling,
feeling is something you don't want anymore.
Tossed away like a half eaten lunch,
but you never did share anyway.

"Drawing is about seeing"
Change this to "Drawing is seeing", to make it fit with the rest of the piece.

"seeing as your prescription for solitude, happiness"
Note the spelling. I didn't like the repetition of "seeing", as you already used it twice, but now in a different context.

"Tossed away like a half eaten lunch,
but you never did share anyway."
I'm not sure if I'm a fan of the anti-climatic ending. We'll see, I'll be re-reading this.

The rest was brilliant. Although I couldn't really pick out a flow for it, try reading it aloud and see if there are any unnecessary/needed syllables in each line.


See the above post for bumping, critiquing, etc. I'm not asking for a crit back, I haven't posted anything here for a few weeks, but be ready to return other peoples comments.