#1
This is what I really am.


This is what I really am.
A screw up.
Not perfect.
A failure.
Yet still not perfect.
A lover,
but still a fighter.
I would fight for you,
but would you love for me?
This is my only question,
and I only need one answer.

All the time I was with you,
I had love in my heart.
But now that it may not be true,
I'm falling apart.
It hurts.
I cry.
Look at this,
the ****ing pig is crying.
Lets kick it.
Lets abuse it.
You know you all want to.
Come-on, lets go.
Were going to break this ****,
till the sun comes up.
Ok? Are you ready to get ****ed?

Come-one,
we're all animals on the inside,
it's just animal instinct.
We have to fight,
fight for what we believe in.
if we lose our ability to fight,
we lose our ability to love.
Without a fight for love,
love is not what it is.
Love is,
nothing....
#2
who, complex...


really, dumb it down. Pieces that are to complex are hard to read or listen to and actually understand.
although the story behind it seems very monotone, every 2 sentences you jump from one thing to something completly different. seems like there isnt much coherency between sentences.

just my 2cents...
#3
I'm a little agree with Will-kun. But I must say that u've done a good job in making a sad song. Everyone who reads it understand the pain and frustration you write about. But try to make it more focused on a single point.

But well done!
#4
I really like this, and disagree with the above two posts.
However, I hated some of the repetition.
So, black dot.
EDIT: Here we go:

Quote by fellowguitarist

This is what I really am.
A screw up.
Not perfect.
Make this one word, "imperfect" maybe?
A failure.
Yet still not perfect.
I don't get this. The "yet" threw me off. Change it to "and"?
A lover,
but still a fighter.
Change to "but a fighter", I didn't like the repetition of "still".
I would fight for you,
but would you love for me?
This is my only question,
and I only need one answer.
Didn't like "one". It rendered useless. Get "only" to be just before "answer", make the idea really flow tight together. Maybe make it "and you have the only answer", I don't know.

All the time I was with you,
I had love in my heart.
This is pretty nasty to read, the sudden change of tone from fighting, questions, screw ups and failures to cheesy "you put love in my heart".
But now that it may not be true,
I'm falling apart.
It hurts.
I cry.
Look at this,
the ****ing pig is crying.
Let's kick it.
Let's abuse it.
Remember apostrophe, it's short for "let us".
I didn't like the repetition on these two lines, maybe change the second one to just "abuse it".

You know you all want to.
Come-on, lets go.
Were going to break this ****,
till the sun comes up.
Ok? Are you ready to get ****ed?
Change of tone was a bit... iffy here.

Come-one,
Come on?
we're all animals on the inside,
it's just animal instinct.Get rid of the second "animal".
We have to fight,
fight for what we believe in.
if we lose our ability to fight,
I didn't like the three "fight"s, as the third was used in a different context.
we lose our ability to love.
Without a fight for love,
love is not what it is.
Love is,
nothing....


Great. If I didn't say anything about the line, then it was great. This is great.
Last edited by ginjaninja at Dec 21, 2008,