#1
What is faith but a misguided theme
Death and bewilderment await you
Go ahead and join, but eventually
you'll end up strapped to a bomb
With your fingers crossed
Awaiting a prize that will never come
and certainly a better place for you
Six feet underground
RELIGION...EQUALS GENOCIDE
RELIGION...EQUALS GENOCIDE
For those of you who are already in
Good luck to you and bless your soul
for those who don't heed my warning
**** you all and rot in hell be there such place
RELIGION...EQUALS GENOCIDE
RELIGION...EQUALS GENOCIDE
RELIGION...EQUALS GENOCIDE
RELIGION...EQUALS GENOCIDE
(BRIDGE)
(SOLO 1)
I want you all to remember well
The wrods coming from my lips
**** the gods you love and praise
Not once has he listened nor answered you
RELIGION...EQUALS GENOCIDE
RELIGION...EQUALS GENOCIDE
RELIGION...EQUALS GENOCIDE
RELIGION...EQUALS GENOCIDE
(BREAKDOWN)
(SOLO 2)

this song is written in my own oppinions so i shouldn't get **** from anyone, but i might so i'm prepared for it, crit for crit constructive crits only pls..thank you
#3
really shallow and narrow minded, but who am I to argue with the new-age-guided wisdom of 14 year olds
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yeah you shouldnt have told the pit to rape your mom.

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It's not sexist, girls are just too stupid and weak to hold up doors and stuff for themselves.
#5
I liked the line about 6 feet underground, that was clever. The rest was kind of uninspired and didn't flow very well.

You do realize this is a ridiculous concept, right? In cases of extremism you're right, but the general ideas of religion, besides devotion to God, is to promote peace and benevolence.

Also your statement is going to alienate a lot of people, be prepared to take **** for it.
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Of course I don't wanna go in the woods. There's bears in there.


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Jeff Ament is a sexy sexy beast.



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Yes. Chest hair = automatic awesome. Even if you're a woman.
#6
Quote by Lt.DanHasLegs
really shallow and narrow minded, but who am I to argue with the new-age-guided wisdom of 14 year olds


Pretty much this.

Good luck to you and bless your soul


Isn't this kinda hypocritical?
Quote by darkstar2466
Don't fret man.
#7
Lt.DanHasLegs i'm 18 so:P, to slapstickdave i am prepared to take a load of **** and you tell the people of iraq and israel that their religion is inspired by peace and maybe they will stop bombing the hell out of us becuz that's why they do what they do becuz of religion, they think that becuz we r invading their country its against their morals and beliefs aka religion and we must die none of that was meant to be rude by the way, thank u for the crits tho check out my other stuff too thank you
#8
Quote by relicmusic1990
Lt.DanHasLegs i'm 18 so:P, to slapstickdave i am prepared to take a load of **** and you tell the people of iraq and israel that their religion is inspired by peace and maybe they will stop bombing the hell out of us becuz that's why they do what they do becuz of religion, they think that becuz we r invading their country its against their morals and beliefs aka religion and we must die none of that was meant to be rude by the way, thank u for the crits tho check out my other stuff too thank you


LOL...

That's about all I have to say about that.
We're only strays.
#9
learn to spell because please and I think you should read up on your history.

and this thread has gotten way out of hand...

and you triple posted today...

*reported*
Quote by darkstar2466
Don't fret man.
Last edited by gamebreaker at Dec 21, 2008,
#10
Quote by gamebreaker
learn to spell because please... and this thread has gotten way out of hand...

*reported*


Agreed. Thanks.
#12
Nothing wrong with having a strong opinion, but you have to think of audience when considering "tone" or the voice you're using in regards to listeners/readers.

Honestly, it's just too over the top and heavy handed to be called a good song in my book, but that's a matter of taste and obviously some people will agree with your theme and like it just because of that.

If you want people to like it because of the level of songwriting, rather than happening to agree with your idiology, then I don't think it's very good.

If you want to reach people with your messege I don't think it's very good.

I hate the current way evangelical religion is weilded in the US, it absolutely rubs me the wrong way--but I've picked up some song writing methods that don't put people off to my songs instantly, and don't let the content of my lyrics overpower any attention to form. Check out my Testimony to the Truth song (in my sig) to see what I mean--except the fourth verse is a little heavy handed, I'll probably cut that one out.

1. Use Image instead of statements on subjects like this--you can make the same point without listners immediately saying "oh I see what he's talking about and I don't want to listen" It will settle in gradually.

2. Explore how both sides of an issue are flawed--the ambiguous middle ground is the best place for thought and of course you can easily shape that ground to still make people lean in your favor--here you might actually reach people that didn't agree with you from the get go.

3. Using metaphor and image most of the time adds extra impact when you do decide to use a direct statment, and being shown makes the rest of the song more intellectually engaging and enjoyable than being told something. I don't know about you, but I don't like being told how it is--show me evidence for your case and I'll make up my own mind.

Now with the bomb in the fingers bit you're off to a good start, make the rest of the song image laden instead of hitting everyone over the head with your ideas, and it'll be a much stronger song while still preserving the integrity of what you wanted to say.

Also, equals is a terrible word to use as the strongest verb of your song. Just get rid of that terrible line no matter what else you decide to do. You can find a much more subtle and clever connection between religion and genocide than "equals" get out the thesarus
#13
Quote by dullsilver_mike
Nothing wrong with having a strong opinion, but you have to think of audience when considering "tone" or the voice you're using in regards to listeners/readers.

Honestly, it's just too over the top and heavy handed to be called a good song in my book, but that's a matter of taste and obviously some people will agree with your theme and like it just because of that.

If you want people to like it because of the level of songwriting, rather than happening to agree with your idiology, then I don't think it's very good.

If you want to reach people with your messege I don't think it's very good.

I hate the current way evangelical religion is weilded in the US, it absolutely rubs me the wrong way--but I've picked up some song writing methods that don't put people off to my songs instantly, and don't let the content of my lyrics overpower any attention to form. Check out my Testimony to the Truth song (in my sig) to see what I mean--except the fourth verse is a little heavy handed, I'll probably cut that one out.

1. Use Image instead of statements on subjects like this--you can make the same point without listners immediately saying "oh I see what he's talking about and I don't want to listen" It will settle in gradually.

2. Explore how both sides of an issue are flawed--the ambiguous middle ground is the best place for thought and of course you can easily shape that ground to still make people lean in your favor--here you might actually reach people that didn't agree with you from the get go.

3. Using metaphor and image most of the time adds extra impact when you do decide to use a direct statment, and being shown makes the rest of the song more intellectually engaging and enjoyable than being told something. I don't know about you, but I don't like being told how it is--show me evidence for your case and I'll make up my own mind.

Now with the bomb in the fingers bit you're off to a good start, make the rest of the song image laden instead of hitting everyone over the head with your ideas, and it'll be a much stronger song while still preserving the integrity of what you wanted to say.

Also, equals is a terrible word to use as the strongest verb of your song. Just get rid of that terrible line no matter what else you decide to do. You can find a much more subtle and clever connection between religion and genocide than "equals" get out the thesarus


+1
He said basically everything I was thinking.
I felt the piece was arrogant. Opinions are dandy, but you just basically shoveled down every angsty "look-at-me-I-am-16-and-an-atheist" kid's speech on why religion is bad into song format.
And to be honest, those kids are far from poetic.
this one is for you.
#14
I wonder what this song is about.....


"you tell the people of iraq and israel that their religion is inspired by peace and maybe they will stop bombing the hell out of us becuz that's why they do what they do becuz of religion"

When did Israel bomb anywhere?
#15
Quote by gamebreaker



Isn't this kinda hypocritical?


I think this was a sort of quasi-attempt at being ironic?

Yeah. Its a tad ridiculous. You need to change the chorus. Religion = genocide? Its a song, not a math equation. Most of my crit has already been said.
Originally Posted by guitar_freak333
I dont like death metal, I just see it as a bunch of hairy men playing the same riff over and over again exetremely fast.
#16
Quote by gamebreaker
learn to spell because please and I think you should read up on your history.

and this thread has gotten way out of hand...

and you triple posted today...

*reported*



Stop posting in this, it's been reported.

Also, for future reference

Quote by The Rules
OFFENSIVE PIECES
This is down to a Mods’ discretion. If you are unsure about your piece contact a mod first. Anything referencing: Racism, Homophobia, sexism, insulting and generally needless violence will be deleted on the spot.



So, again,

*reported*