#1
Maybe the words dont quite sound as good without the guitar playing along, but here they are anyway. Be honest in criting it.


"Give Me Today"


(V. 1)
Yesterday is nothing more than another thread,
Sewn together trying to keep us a day ahead,
I know your light is fading and there's nothing more to say,
But I'll say it anyway,


(Chorus)
I love you, I love you,
But I hate how you love nothing,
I'd give you, I'd give you,
Ev'rything but you'd just throw it away,
I need you, I need you,
But you need nothing more than a reason to stay,
Please just give me today,


(V. 2)
Tomorrow is a moment which no one will find,
The clocks ticking away are all far behind,
I know your time is fading and there's nothing more to say,
But I'll say it anyway,


(Chorus)


(Bridge)
Just give me the chance to open your eyes,
Into another world, a world where there are no lies,
You say you can't see a way to find all you need,
Then you realized, you've always had your back to me,


(Solo)


(Chorus 2)
I love you, I love you,
And the way you love everything,
I'd give you, I'd give you,
All the things you couldn't throw away,
I need you, I need you,
And you finally found the reason to stay,
You found it today,
You found it today,
You found me today.
Quote by chamill4u
Also, start inconspicuously humping the nearest immobile object while darting your eyes back and forth suspiciously. Works best if the nearest immobile object is also the nearest person.



Bend (newest)

Seven To Forever

We've All Seen
Last edited by Mr.RiffPicker at Dec 21, 2008,
#2
Quote by Mr.RiffPicker

"Give Me Today"


(V. 1)
Yesterday is nothing more than another thread,
Sown together trying to keep us a day ahead,
I know your light is fading and there's not much more to say,
But I'll say it anyway,

Sown is spelled Sewn I believe. I would take out "much" from the third line to keep the flow going.

(Chorus)
I love you, I love you,
But I hate how you love nothing,
I'd give you, I'd give you,
Ev'rything but you'd just throw it away,
I need you, I need you,
But you need nothing more than a reason to stay,
Please just give me today,

This is more cliche then a cliche sunday with extra cliche sauce on top, but I love it. The last line ties it all together perfectly.



(V. 2)
Tomorrow is a moment no one will find,
The clocks ticking away are all far behind,
I know your time is fading and there's not much more to say,
But I'll say it anyway,

An option would be to add a "that" before "no one will find" to keep the rhythm going.


(Chorus)


(Bridge)
Just give me the chance to open your eyes,
Into another world, a world where there are no lies,
You say you can't see a way to find all you need,
Then you realized, you've always had your back to me,

This one is the best in my opinion.

(Solo)


(Chorus 2)
I love you, I love you,
And the way you love everything,
I'd give you, I'd give you,
All the things you couldn't throw away,
I need you, I need you,
And you finally found the reason to stay,
You found it today,
You found it today,
You found me today.

Nice Ending


This sounds like it is a great song with a great feeling. Let me know when/if you've recorded it, cause I'd love to hear it. C4C Please? "All that Mattered" in my signature.
Quote by darkstar2466
Don't fret man.
#3
thanks for the crit gamebreaker. yeah i know the chorus is really cliched but its kinda of supposed to be, because it adds to the sense of confusion that the person i'm talking about is experiencing. ive actually played this with my friend, who's voice is much like that of "three days grace"'s singer (dont know his name =p) and it sounded really good. the whole song has a TDG kind of feel to it, rocky but not too much.
Quote by chamill4u
Also, start inconspicuously humping the nearest immobile object while darting your eyes back and forth suspiciously. Works best if the nearest immobile object is also the nearest person.



Bend (newest)

Seven To Forever

We've All Seen
#4
I love you, I love you,
And the way you love everything,
I'd give you, I'd give you,
All the things you couldn't throw away,
I need you, I need you,
And you finally found the reason to stay,
You found it today, dunno but this dosnt sound great
You found it today,
You found me today
What if...

I love you, I love you,
And the way you love everything,
I'd give you, I'd give you,
All the things you couldn't throw away,
I need you, I need you,
And you finally found the reason to stay,
You found it,
You found it,
You found me today

just an idea. i like the rest of the song. keep on writing.
Gear

-Schecter Tempest Custom
-Ibanez EW20WNE-NT
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-Boss TU-3
-Boss NS-2
-ibanez PM7
#5
thanks for the idea. i do agree by just looking at the words that what you suggested does look better. but when i put the whole song together, i have little solos that follow everytime i say "you found it today" and it just sounds right to me. thanks for the crit though!
Quote by chamill4u
Also, start inconspicuously humping the nearest immobile object while darting your eyes back and forth suspiciously. Works best if the nearest immobile object is also the nearest person.



Bend (newest)

Seven To Forever

We've All Seen
#6
Read the rules on posting limits.

This one's got some replies, so I'll have the other closed (we've all seen).