#1
And I'm sorry that it didnt work
I'm sorry because i know it hurts
And I wish I could just take it all back
But where's the romance in all that?

Sorry that I didnt try
Sorry that I couldn't cry
I'm sorry that **** got that way
It's my world, hey, what can I say?

But you didn't make it easy
And i know this is gonna sound cheesey
Just give me one chance, I'll share my plans
And we can dance the night away

Sorry that I didn't try
sorry that i don't know how to cry
And if I could make things different
I'd rewind this tape and play it again

Sorry that it didn't work
I'm sorry because I know it hurts
I wish you could see just how I feel
Because these tears are very real

Can't you see I'm hurtin inside
And I don't know what to try
You left me for good, and i know its my fault
What can I say I'm devistated

I see your with him again
after the million times you said the feelings had ended
I can't believe I was so naiieve
And in the end create this trajedy

But you didn't make it easy
And I know this is gonna sound cheesey
Just give me one chance, I'll share my plans
And we can dance the night away

Sitting here ten years later
Things got so much better
Laying with you as you fall asleep
Listening to every breath you breathe


just wanted to hear peoples thoughts on it. good or bad
#2
I'm no expert on this kind of thing, but I have nothing better to do.

And I'm sorry that it didnt work
I'm sorry because i know it hurts
And I wish I could just take it all back
But where's the romance in all that?

It's alright, a little generic with the rhyming but that's not exactly a problem. The third line could probably do without the 'And', it just dosen't seem to fit with it. The last line seems a little, weak compared to the others. Not sure exactly why, it just dosen't seem right to me.

Sorry that I didnt try
Sorry that I couldn't cry
I'm sorry that **** got that way
It's my world, hey, what can I say?

Looking through, I guess this is your chorus.
First thing I see is the censorship in line 3. If this song is meant to suggest you are sorry to whoever (reading through I presume it's an ex' or something). I'd go without the curse words, that's just personal preference though.

I think I'd get a bit bored of hearing the word sorry in the chorus.
And again, the last line seems a little weak and dosen't really tie off the chorus that well, in my opinion.


But you didn't make it easy
And i know this is gonna sound cheesey
Just give me one chance, I'll share my plans
And we can dance the night away

This verse seems very rushed, almost as if you were running out of ideas or having trouble finding rhymes (not that lyrics have to rhyme, sometimes they just flow better if they do).

The first line is almost pushing the blame onto the person you're apologizing to? That dosen't seem the way to go to me. The second line pretty much wraps up the whole song but yeah, if you like it. Go with it! I'm really not fond of line 3 atall, it just dosen't seem to go with the rest of the song. Line 4 works though, maybe try rhyming that with line 3 or something?


Sorry that I didn't try
sorry that i don't know how to cry
And if I could make things different
I'd rewind this tape and play it again

Sorry that it didn't work
I'm sorry because I know it hurts
I wish you could see just how I feel
Because these tears are very real

Chorus again. With a different ending?
The words different, and again really don't fit in my opinion, again. The whole rhyming thing. It just seems to screw with the flow here. The idea of rewinding the tape is good, it's just line 3 sort of, ruins the flow of line 4 with the rhyming and such.

Then the variation on the first verse (I think)?.
This to me, should be verse one. It seems to get the message across, and dosen't have the weak last line. It would be a good, strong opening to the song.


Can't you see I'm hurtin inside
And I don't know what to try
You left me for good, and i know its my fault
What can I say I'm devistated

The first 2 lines are very good, I can imagine some epic singing there.
Sort of like 'Now that I've lost you it kills me to say' and so on in Almost Easy by Avenged Sevenfold. But that's just in my head. You don't have to do anything similiar to that song.

But, I'm afraid again the last 2 lines just let it down.
Earlier you were pushing the blame on whoever you're apologizing to, and now you're saying it's your fault? That might not be that noticeable in the actual song but reading through and thinking about the lyrics, it might confuse people.

'What can I say; I'm devistated', it works. But again, line 3 ruins the flow of it.
Not completety sure why, I'm no expert. I'm just reading it through in my head trying to figure out what works and dosen't.


I see your with him again
after the million times you said the feelings had ended
I can't believe I was so naiieve
And in the end create this trajedy

This section really dosen't work for me.
It seems you're now shifting the blame back onto whoever you're apologizing to.
It just dosen't seem to flow either.
If I were you I'd scrap this section, just leave it out.

But that's just me, if you want it. Keep it.


But you didn't make it easy
And I know this is gonna sound cheesey
Just give me one chance, I'll share my plans
And we can dance the night away

Ok, so wait. Was THIS the chorus?
Or just a repeat of a verse?
It would help if you had labelled out the sections but that's nothing major.
Again, same as before with this section.


Sitting here ten years later
Things got so much better
Laying with you as you fall asleep
Listening to every breath you breathe

This kind of takes the whole point of the song away.
It's like, you're all sorry and what-not. Then like 'Lalala I'm happy now, don't worry about it'.

Maybe keep the idea of 10 years later, but like. Have it as if you feel that bad about it that you're still apologizing? I don't know. As I've said, I'm no expert with lyrics and such. But this ending just dosen't seem right. It's good, and might work in a different song, just not this one. In my opinion.

Overall, 7/10. Pretty good, just needs some minor touch ups.
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
Last edited by Carl6661 at Dec 22, 2008,