#1
Last Song
(thats is the song title btw, one can never be too sure on this forum)

I dont remember how things got this way
and it seems more and more im running out of things to say
and i feel its such a shame, yet i still take the blame
im sorry
dont worry 'bout me 'cause

Chorus:
Im in a battle that nobody wins
trying not to sufficate im suffering for our sins
and i wish i could tell you that ill be ok
but i could never lie to you so just look the other way

walk off the edge and fall below
42 stories and im hoping that this will finally show
that i still love you, but thats not enough to save you
i gave you my all but

Chorus

At my funeral no one cried
22 people to see if i had finally died
and you didnt show, and i know that your sorry
dont worry 'bout me 'cause

chorus
#4
no offsense, your on the right trackand all, but the lyrics as a whole are pretty average, especially the final verse...it seems to me like theres alot of forced rhyming. I do think the song has a good potential tho if you put a little more work to it. That said, I do like the chorus tho. Work on those verses a little and you'll be fine.
#5
I agree. The rhymming sounds a little forced, especaily at the end. Maybe rewrite the last part and change up the first verse?
Rip Kylee Harris 4.13.93-11.28.08
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