#1
Wish You Were Here
----------------------------------------------------
I'd give everything away,
to have you here today,
but I know that just can't be..

Wish you were here,
Wish you were here with me...

In the summer of '01
Underneath the Texas sun,
We were doin all right.

Hanging down around the pool,
havin fun, just keepin cool,
Resting up for the night...


Times were good,
and you were there,
with your blue eyes,
And soft dark hair...

I'd give everything away,
to have you here today,
And now I finally see..

Wish you were here,
Wish you were here with me...

So when you look down,
I'll still be around,
you know where to find me,
I know that you'll be right there beside me...

Wish you were here,
Wish you were here with me...
------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks in advance for all critism... This is my first song, so any help would be greatly appreciated!

R.I.P. Kylee Harris.
Rip Kylee Harris 4.13.93-11.28.08
Quote by Capt_Clarkson
tell him that he is the drummer and that his opinions are invalid

Quote by Jim Harkins
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

Last edited by thementor at Dec 23, 2008,
#2
First of all...Change the title...too many bands have that used and in my opinion, it's over-used.
Secondly it should be : That IT just can't be

Third, i dont like the chorus(?) thing: Wish You Were Here, Wish you were here with me. You gotta have more flow, more vibes,more meaning to the lyrics, not short quickies, but a decent, meaningful poem.
Myspace.

Quote by djmay71
it wasn't 7 days, it was 5.

and you call yourself the son of catholics

Quote by hugh20
I would keep it on my mantel piece and tell my grandchildren about the day I tried to overthrow the human race with my race of tree-men.
#3
thanks for the critisim... i actually did change the title b4 you posted, only I can't change the title of the thread.

As for the chorus I thought it sounded weak... Looks like it's time to revamp it. Thanks.
Rip Kylee Harris 4.13.93-11.28.08
Quote by Capt_Clarkson
tell him that he is the drummer and that his opinions are invalid

Quote by Jim Harkins
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

Last edited by thementor at Dec 23, 2008,