#1
i wrote something i like again so i posted it. remind me if i owe you a crit. hope you enjoy.


daydream.

i.
behind snowwalls:
two unfinished armoires
a sheetless bed
the eyeless dog
wane animate
to listen
finger rises
match angelic
echo
steelstring tug
steel reverie pluck

ii.
in forty years
my veins will throb
with too much blood
i will strain my ears
and hear nothing
but a working heart

iii.
eyes glaze
outside the church
parking lot whitefalls lurch still,
the clouds whip stagnant

in the sky somewhere
bells frozen silent
would whisper
if they could whisper,
long stillborn notes
would speak if they could speak

it is too late
to free us
it is too late
lazarus, lazarus,
find a way to bury
find a way to die
#3
This piece just flows so nicely.
The wording is simple but intelligent. The setup is interesting, separated into parts, something you don't see often.
One thing I did notice is,
As nice as the general flow is, it changes slightly in part ii. I don't know if this was intentional, but it takes away slightly from the feeling of the piece. Not enough to trouble over though, it is still phenomenal.
this one is for you.
#5
I have worthless comments/crits so I'll just tell you I like it; write honestly more often, honestly.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#6
it's about how after having a guitar in my room for four years and being a member of a guitar players forum and having guilt for never learning how to play. So I think i'm going to try to learn. Because when I'm much older I'll regret it if I dont. I already regret not starting sooner. I have three weeks before I go back to college and we'll see how it goes.

<3 youz guys.

plus I actually really like this piece, i think it has the exact muted feeling I wanted it to have.
#7
I definitely like it, and can actually relate a ton -- as I tell people I've been playing guitar for seven years, but I've actually never played a damn thing.

I'm in the exact same boat as you, except maybe I realized it a month sooner. I do know how to play some Bright Eyes songs, some country songs, "Hotel California" and "I'm Yours" now, plus I guess I played bass in an indie-pop-alternative band for the greater part of a year but I mean bass is hardly an instrument.

I GUESS what I'm trying to say is, I dig this. Consistent tone, calming flow, and easy to relate to for me.

Enjoy your Christmas, sir!