#1
Your ignorance surpasses my expectations.
You won't bring me down.
These lacerations pass slowly,
drowned and beaten wholly, no chance of life.

You are an animal, less than human.
Tortured accordingly, and treated
how you should. Funny to be,
trapped in the same cage you made

As dead inside as a corpse
but still walking, trust,
in me, that I will fix this problem,
and start your suffering.

Wishing you were dead,
a wish I gladly grant.
I will take my time before I plant
your fucking head in the dirt.

The pain that you caused me
was enjoyable to an extent.
I rationalized my fear
by overcoming with vengeance.

Cowering back at my own intentions.
Dominance is a trait that I enjoy,
I will employ this submission,
Your hopes crushed, satisfaction from destroying.

You're not longer a pawn, you're a fucking toy.
#2
Sounds kinda death metal, overall pretty nice. I would however get rid of the f-bombs because they make it all seem kinda immature (Yeah I know lots of metal bands use the f-word, like Dying Fetus for instance but personally I don't like it.)
#3
Thanks, and yeah it was inspired by a lot of anger, and I listen to lots of Death Metal. I may consider taking the f-bombs out when I'm making the song musically, it all depends on how the lyrics fit into place. If you've got anything that you'd like a crit on, send a link!
#4
I can see this working pretty well with some balls to the wall metal. It's pretty direct, in some places a bit too much, especially the opening line. I personally think the f-bombs are fine, although I'm not too fond of the last verse. Again, really direct. Aggressiveness is obviously a trait of this kind of music, though.
We're only strays.
#6
Quote by SeeEmilyPlay
Not bad. This sounds pretty heavy- do you have music for it yet?


Not yet, seeing as I wrote the lyrics only last night/morning at about 5 AM. However, I want the music to be in the style of White Chapel. Thanks!
#7
Quote by HunterRiggs10
Your ignorance surpasses my expectations.
You won't bring me down.
These lacerations pass slowly,
drowned and beaten wholly, no chance of life.

Good start, I like the rhythm inherent in your choice of words, which fit that metal-mold.

You are an animal, less than human.
Tortured accordingly, and treated
how you should. Funny to be,
trapped in the same cage you made

I like the image and twist you were going for, though I think the end of this verse should be as strong as the beginning, which would just take some slightly altered wording.

As dead inside as a corpse
but still walking, trust,
in me, that I will fix this problem,
and start your suffering.

Probably my favorite part here, no complaints.

Wishing you were dead,
a wish I gladly grant.
I will take my time before I plant
your fucking head in the dirt.

The first two lines here are bit cliche, and would also be a bit better if they were worded just a bit differently. The second half is strong, though.

The pain that you caused me
was enjoyable to an extent.
I rationalized my fear
by overcoming with vengeance.

Same thing here.

Cowering back at my own intentions.
Dominance is a trait that I enjoy,
I will employ this submission,
Your hopes crushed, satisfaction from destroying.

I just don't like the flow of the last line, but otherwise I like the power in these lines. If you can make the last part seamless, this part will be golden.

You're not longer a pawn, you're a fucking toy.

A good end, great for a metal song.
#8
I thought the writing was good. The flow was great especially with the words used. I also liked the way you began and ended the song which is important. The only thing I wasn't a fan of would be the rhymes such as enjoy - destroying. But I really couldn't say without hearing it to really crit that part. Overall, really good.