#1
I thought you guys might enjoy this, I wrote it as a Christmas present for the Pit.

Why the Grinch Really Hates Christmas
By Rockford_rocks

Inside that snowflake on the brim of your hat
Lies the small town of Whoville, bout the size of a gnat.
Where Christmas is welcomed with gusto and joy,
and smiles on the faces of Who girls and boys.
'Tis a season for giving, and Whos always bother
to buy gifts for their cousins, aunts uncles and brothers
and after the giving of gifts was all done,
they'd sing their Who carols to the evening sun.
Yes, everyone in Whoville liked Christmas a lot,
But the Grinch, just outside of Whoville, did not.
He lived all alone, near the top of the summit
of a dormant volcano, now known as Mt. Crumpit.
"No one knows why he hates Christmas." They say,
But I'll tell you the answer, he can't get a lay.
Since that one Christmas night in '79
When he hooked up with a Who, she was looking quite fine.
The went at it all night, but the very next day
She broke his Grinch heart, said she couldn't stay.
Now he lives by himself, cynical and depressed
spending Christmas alone in his bachelor's nest.
Watching his pornos with devilish scenes,
and blowing green loads into old magazines.
See, the factories stopped working, they stopped making tissues.
(When you live in a snowflake, global warming's an issue.)
"So, why can't he get laid? This makes no sense at all."
Well, the size of his dick is 3 sizes too small.
Imagine the tiniest thing that you could,
That's about what the Grinch has hidden under his hood.
"Hidden" is right, for it's quite hard to seek,
The stream just appears when he goes for a leak.
Having no manhood's a problem, all right,
When you want some Who booty all day and all night.
The Grinch flipped on the TV, and then Bob appeared,
Sponsoring Enzyte in a santa claus beard.
And the Grinch thought a thought that was just simply brill,
"I can make my dick larger, I'll just order these pills!"
So he filled out a coupon and sent it away,
and some say that his dick grew three sizes that day.
"It's still rather small, but bigger is bigger!"
As he whipped out some cash to attract the gold diggers.
He then met a girl, on a lighted street corner,
who agreed to get rid of his raging Grinch boner.
When the sun had risen o'er Mt. Crumpits peak
The Grinch lay in bed with a smile cheek-to-cheek.
She asked for his money and the Grinch just said "What?"
"I'm a skank, a whore. I'm a pay-per-view slut!"
Well, the Grinch had gone broke from his enlargement pills,
So he killed her and tossed her out over the hills.
Now he doesn't hate Christmas nor the holiday season
Since he got laid, he has run out of reasons.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Last edited by Rockford_rocks at Dec 23, 2008,
#2
tl;dr


nah its cool


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#3
Merry christmas, i enjoyed the poem.
Quote by Screeech!!!!
Stalin: sweet mustache
Hitler: sweet mustache
Pol Pot: cool name
Che Guevara: looks good on t-shirts



Quote by Cobain_Is_King
Somebody get this guy a glass of milk


Yes, that is good BRING ME THE MILK
#9
Quote by duncang
maybe it's because i secrely agree that tracedin inymballsackistheb best album ever


he's got the fire and the fury,
at his command
well you don't have to worry,
if you hold onto jesus' hand
#10
Quote by TheQuailman
I laughed and I kinda hate myself for it.




I had a few laughs while writing it last night. I really like it, and I'm glad everyone is enjoying it.
#11
I wrote one as well.


‘Twas the night before Christmas, one minute ‘till twelve
Wondering and thinking and searching to delve
Seeking my window, Trial of Tears
Waiting for St. Nicholas to drag himself here
Frustrated to wait I can’t help myself
The minute has been longer than infinity itself

BAM! I hear, filling myself with fear
The red star I’ve been waiting has seemed to appear!
I haste myself and thrust outside expecting to see him fine
But trapped inside my chimney was he who out shined
From the narrowed brick walls he cried “Ho ho ho, help me here!
I’m trapped because my overweight has made me a sphere!”

I run back in house to find my near cell
To call my father for St Nicholas’ hell
I dial as fast, hoping for Dad’s voice
But my ears heard a “ring” from the chimney make noise

I run to the chimney confused of dad’s ring
To see it was coming from Santa’s crying
The blazing fire was burning his bottom
For he wanted to gain his only one freedom

Santa strips his savior and blasts yellow water
And tends to exterminate the raging Devil’s fire
As the waterfall ends and turns flames into smoke
He coughs and falls, and begins to choke

As he falls into infinity his mind blacks out
Stuck on ground I observe him and doubt
Very similar to my father I thought
With a cell in his hand that he had took out
The “Burgler” of dad’s phone awakened and ran
Half naked from fire he looked like Tarzan

“Ha ha!” I laughed as I saw his tattoo
Exactly on the ass of my dad that I knew

XxLloydxX
D F O I N N T D
T W H O I R S D
Y O O R U
W S I U L C L K
A M S Y S

Quote by ScreamAim&Fire


Beautiful.
XxLloydxX for president!
Even though I'm english..

Want to hear Super Mario Bros Theme on electric rock guitar? SuperMarioBro
BuyMYMusic
SellMusic
#13
Nicely done, you got a chuckle out of me.
■■■
'member The Pit of 10'? oH, I 'member!


╚═ ▼▲▼▲▼═╝
#15
Quote by Rockford_rocks
^To Lloyd

DON'T STEAL MY THRED PLS.


... Good work, and many s at the Dream Theater references.



Haha I couldn't steal your thread if I wanted to because your poem is better than mine
D F O I N N T D
T W H O I R S D
Y O O R U
W S I U L C L K
A M S Y S

Quote by ScreamAim&Fire


Beautiful.
XxLloydxX for president!
Even though I'm english..

Want to hear Super Mario Bros Theme on electric rock guitar? SuperMarioBro
BuyMYMusic
SellMusic
#16
Quote by XxLloydxX
Haha I couldn't steal your thread if I wanted to because your poem is better than mine


Yours is good too. I can't believe I had the creative energy to write that. I guess I had stored it up for a while. *shrugs*
#17
Why are you stealing from doctor suess?
Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who...
Quote by Necrophagist777
I'm ORION, LORD OF EVIL, give me your soul and breathe in my darkness.

YOU WILL NOT ENJOY THIS......
╭∩╮( º.º )╭∩╮
#18
Quote by 0RI0N
Why are you stealing from doctor suess?


Oh come on, I only stole the main characters, the town, the location of the town, the mountain's name, the fact that he hates Christmas...


>.>
<.<
#19
Quote by Rockford_rocks
Oh come on, I only stole the main characters, the town, the location of the town, the mountain's name, the fact that he hates Christmas...


>.>
<.<


And the fact that the Grinch doesn't get laid.
#20
Quote by boreamor
And the fact that the Grinch doesn't get laid.


That makes the all men mad.
Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who...
Quote by Necrophagist777
I'm ORION, LORD OF EVIL, give me your soul and breathe in my darkness.

YOU WILL NOT ENJOY THIS......
╭∩╮( º.º )╭∩╮
#21
Quote by 0RI0N
That makes the all men mad.


I r gud man i get angry at lack of present vagina.
Quote by Screeech!!!!
Stalin: sweet mustache
Hitler: sweet mustache
Pol Pot: cool name
Che Guevara: looks good on t-shirts



Quote by Cobain_Is_King
Somebody get this guy a glass of milk


Yes, that is good BRING ME THE MILK
#22
Quote by _C o L o r S_
I r gud man i get angry at lack of present vagina.


lol me 2.


(Yes, this is a bump.)
#23
Festive
D-U-F-R-A-I-S


Quote by darkstar2466
WRONG.

The only reason it exists is because drugs get people fucked up, and people love getting fucked up.