#1
Alright, this is my new creation. I don't really know what to call it, except for "Proggy instrumental". It's got some Metal elements, some Jazz, some of everything really. I guess if you had to compare it to something, it would be like, The Fall of Troy plus Nirvana, Plus Pain of Salvation, with some John McLaughlin thrown in.

Of course, C4C. It sounds like 10123456765431 times better with RSE, and is fully mixed, so if you can use it, do.

Also, the solo isn't very good. I'm pretty terrible at writing solos, and if someone wanted to fix/rewrite that for me, it would be amazing!

Thanks!
Attachments:
Instrumental.zip
My Old Progressive Metal Band:
Acrasia
For fans of Between The Buried and Me, Dream Theater, Cynic.

My New Progressive Rock/Djent Band:
Wings Denied
For fans of Deftones, Tesseract, Periphery, Karnivool, Cynic.
Last edited by silhouettica at Dec 23, 2008,
#2
Wonderful! The 8-bit like sound took me back to the glory days of the NES...
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That might be my favorite shoop I have ever seen on here.



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#3
I like it, a bit too long for my personal tastes but its good,my CPU has been going mad since i installed cubase so i couldnt use the RSE which would make it sound a hell of alot better, but its good,good good.
Originally Posted by Chromeproguitar
they make horrible noises in the middle of the night (is it sex?)

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I guess she's pretty hot if you're into that "having a good music video, but not better than Beyonce's" kind of thing...
#4
This is a great work, man. If this was put on a CD, I would pay real actual money to get it. My favorite part by far was the riff in the beginning. I can't really think of a bad thing to say. The solo isn't as bad as you think. I like the tapping bit a lot.
#5
it was good dude, is this your first song?

did drag on a bit to much
"We carry death out of the village!"
#6
Quote by Marskell
it was good dude, is this your first song?

did drag on a bit to much


Nah, I write most of the music for my band. I guess if you wanted to count, this would be my....9th song? Something like that. I think I posted another, "desolate" a little while back.

Thanks for all the crits guys.
My Old Progressive Metal Band:
Acrasia
For fans of Between The Buried and Me, Dream Theater, Cynic.

My New Progressive Rock/Djent Band:
Wings Denied
For fans of Deftones, Tesseract, Periphery, Karnivool, Cynic.
#7
Liking the intro, has a very thrashy sound, a bit more variation on the percussion would be nice here, but what you've written fits well. Bar 7 works well to lead into the more intense part of the riff.

The 6/4 riff was quite good, reminds me of Dream Theater, and works well as a transition to the recap of your intro riff, which also leads well to the next riff, your riffs flow very well.

The quiet part of the 7/8 riff was also very good, but the bass sounded a bit muddy, but I guess that's good if that's what you were going for.

I felt that going back to the intro riff wasn't completely necessary but I guess it works well as a transition.

The next riff was probably my favourite part of the song, very Tool-esque and the little bass at the end of the riff sounded cool.

The next riff also reminded me of Tool but I feel that the bass in that part could be improved a lot, and also I think repetition was a problem in this part of the song.

After that the main riff sort of lost it's feel due to repetition and it sort of got a bit boring.

The wah riff reminded me quite a bit of System of a Down, I didn't really like the part after that though, felt a bit out of place.

The next part sounded very very similar to Between The Buried And Me, perhaps they are an influence of yours?

The solo sounded a bit out of place, but at the same time I actually liked it.

When you went back to your main riff after that, I felt that it had grown pretty stale and sounded boring.

Overall good song 7/10 fix up the repetition and you've got quite a song on your hands there!

Note: I do not have RSE installed at the moment, so I listened to it in MIDI.

EDIT: Also, I think this song could be improved with some vocals, rather than being an instrumental.
#8
i dont really have time to crit the whole thing at the moment but i will say this. the riff starting at 123 is the best riff ive ever heard on here, its amazing. i mean it man.

your quite into tool aye?
#9
The intro is is really good, the drum line starting from bar 18 was awesome, and again, the riff in bar 25 was also really cool.

I think the main riff got a little bit to repetitive, but the riff at bar 36 makes up for it.

I didn't really like the riff at bar 44, sounded too familiar to another tune (I can't seem to remember what though).

I like bar 68, the way you made it calm then the same riff comes distortioned immediately after it.

The bass line in 146 was amazing, gave a different mood to the guitar riff.

I like the way the main riff entered again, really got my attention in a good way.

Wasn't a fan of bar 224, but I think that's because it was too empty, try adding another guitar for rhythm, also instead of wahs I think volume swells could achieve that effect better.

I liked how the bass lines changed in a few bars, which also got my attention.

Bar 250 was amazing, no negative comments except that it's a little bit similar to the second riff in Selkies by btbam, but that's not important.
I liked the comeback of the main riff, really cool.

Didn't really like the solo though, didn't really fit that well, but you mentioned it.
and finally the closing riff was really good too, ended the song in an amazing way.

I would give it a 9/10, fix the solo, add a rhythm guitar and it will be an amazing song.
#11
Let start by saying that, HOLY CRAP! THIS SONG IS LONG!!!

The thrash section from 1-92 wasn't bad, but it isn't my style. I'm not an avid thrash fan, so that may have something to do with it.

Bar 93-120 has a Tool vibe going on. The transition here was nice.

Good bass at 120-121. Tasty.

I like the spider riff at 123. Well done portion.
At 139, there's some strange harmonic clash with the bass, which I enjoyed.

(I'm gunna just rattle off nonsense from the notes I took of this song)

151 moves to a more orthodox melodicism.

159-163 return to thrash. Meh.

215-247 start of a promient (TFOT) bass line. THis part is intruguing, to say the least.

248 This part reminds me of DT.

262 return of thrash. Again. Meh.

286 Now the solo. You should slowed it down in certain places. It fit the overall atmosphere of the song, but it was a little quirky as well.
More bends, slides, vibratos, etc.

302 Returning to a similar thrash riff. This is more interesting than the other thrash redux's.

Outro-Decent

7.5/10
The song is a little too lengthy. Especially the intro.
I would suggest shortening that part, removing 1 or 2 of the thrash riff sections and sprucing up the solo.
Maybe add another guitar.
Played live, this might be more interesting.

Would you mind critting either my Elonia or Lycotrope piece?
They might not be up your alley, but you should give one of them a try.
#12
The intro was pretty nice, I liked the octave part. The drums on the 6/4 parts were nice. The next parts of the intro were okay too, but I agree with huevos that the intro was a whole was too long. 97 onwards was a nice use of time sigs but the riff itself was quite boring to be frank. Nice bass outro. The next riff is nice and kinda doomy sounding. I don't really think the bassline fits in with the feel of the riff. The next riff is really good too, kinda sad sounding. Then the intro thingy again. The bassline sounded kinda stuck combined with the drums, but 'twas okay. This next parts sounds kinda Behold the Arctopus-ish. The next lead sounds a bit stuck also because of the drums, you should try to make it flow better. Then comes the intro riff and a weird break which sounds like a filler tbh. The solo wasn't that good, it sounded just awkward and it didnt create any mood at all. Then comes a thrashy riff, which is okay and serves as a good link between the next riff. Then comes the intro again which ends the song.
Overall a pretty good song, but it was still a bit too long imo.
#13
too long and it drags. the clean part and second wah part (with the pull-offs on e string) were sick though.
#14
These are my thoughts listening to the song.

First thing I noticed, was the drums, throughout the song, need some work. As is, they really don't do much of anything and don't add any rhythm or flow to the song. But, seeing as you most likely are not a drummer, it's not a big deal. Just something to keep in mind for future compositions.

Onto the first riff. It's really kind just an "eh" riff. It's not bad by any means, but its pretty generic and lacks anything to really hold my interest. Fills are the key thing here, and they cna be done on any of the instruments. Unison runs up and down the fretboard are good too. Just something to get out of that over-quantized 8th note rhythm for a little bit. Also, a bit of a tempo boost might do wonders for the song. I bumped it to 195bpm and it feels a lot less dragging and monotonous at that tempo.

I like the idea at bar 25, and good use of time signatures. The drums, however, are getting in the way again. Minor gripes.

The riff at 36 has potential. It's simple, but it could have a ery groovy feel if, you guessed it, the drums worked well with it.

7/8 part at 44 is again a good idea, and a good use of time signatures, that is, it actually is musically coherent and not there for the sake of being "prog", but I'm not so sure about the bass part. It's a wee bit clashing. Also, the riff feels like itgoes nowhere. You should keep the buildup and then go into a 7/8 groove instead of going back into the riff from 36.

The repition of those two riffs, the ones at 36 and 44 respectively, goes on for too long. To keep a riff going for that length it must be pretty interesting. However, the same 2 bar pattern repeated however many times gets old quick.

The transition back into the riff at 77 works well, but this riff, too, may be getting overused. Time for some new ideas.

Transition at 92 is shaky. You can just have all the instruments stop then change tempo and have the drums do a pickup if you want a smoother change. (If i didn't explain that properly I'll be happy to clarify.)

ooh, I'm liking the 5/8 at 97. It's definately a good riff, but i would like to see some more development with it rather than just that simple repitiion.

Slow down at 120 feels unecessary, as the next riff is only 16bpm slower than the riff before it. I would work on that transition as well.

Ah, I dig 123 a lot. I love the atmosphere of it, and the use of 7/8, again, is very good. That's what sets this aprt from most prog songs on here. Most use bars like 24/16 just for the hell of it.

The bass at 139-149 does not work. Soryy, but its all out of key and clashes far too much. The idea isn't bad, it just is not executed properly.

The timing at 151 feels very awkward, and the speed up into 163 feels forced again. Generally, speed ups and slow downs should be used for dramatic effect, not for transition purposes. They usually sound forced and kill the flow of the song. Just somethig to think about.

Riff at 182 is very good, really groove oriented. The drums, though. Just a simple half time beat and you're golden. The same applies to the change at 190

216 is a good change from the previous stuff. I would have liked to see a different feel in the end though. Once the lead enters at 220 it just sounds like metal again. Also, the lead in bar 236 is very good, but it doesnt sound right in 237 and 238. The two notes your jumping between are both in key in 236, but not in 237 and 238. I would change the notes that are being trilled between, because its works in bar 236, but the dissonance is not ear pleasing.

I swear I've heard the lead at 248 before. The one at 250 sounds familiar too. I don;t, maybe I'm hearing things. The biggest problem I have with this part, like a lot of the parts, is it doesn't seem to go anywhere. It runs its course, goes away, and the song doesn't feel any different as a result.

The solo at 286 does not work. It really just seemed like random notes thrown together and had no clear direction or purpose. It actually reminds me of my old solos. Trust me, a little scale knowledge goes a long way with soloing. Even just the pentatonic works magic.

Wow, looking back at my crit I sounds very harsh. Don;t take that to mean your pioece is bad, because its not. I just believe pointing out what needs work is far more constructive than only saying the things I like. Most of the problems with the song are very minor and sometimes irrelevant, but that's just my OCD doing its job. Overall, it was good, but suffered from too much repetition and osme lack luster drummming. Get somebody to do some decent drums and I guarantee the song will sound 3x better.

Mind giving mine a look? Should be right up your alley.

Lobster Santa
#15
Bar 1) Intro riff is pretty cool, a tad too slow, but that is about it.
Bar 25) Very Dream Theaterish, but the ending parts after the gallop had somewhat of a strange feel to them.
Back to Intro
Bar 36) Odd rythmic feel for a 4/4 time sig, good job.
Bar 44) BTBAM, I'm guessing you listen to them? Another good job is deserved here.
Back to weird rythmic riff, then BTBAM riff.
Back to Intro
Bar 96) Toolish quality to this, but thats good.
Bar 123) I'm not gonna lie, I'm honestly not a fan of this riff, it just kinda clashes with me, I dunno. The bass solo is interesting though.
Bar 163) Back to Intro... again. It is starting to get a little boring by now.
Bar 182) This riff wouldn't be near as bad if it didn't just seem like a change of the intro.
Bar 216) Kick ass bass lines FTW, but I don't have RSE, so the guitar is meh.
Bar 248) Sounds like Thunderstruck
Bar 250) Awesome
Back to Into
Bar 271) I'm digging the gallop, and the powerchord part isn't bad at all.
Solo: Interesting... it really sounded like it was put there just to have a solo, not for any purpose. I liked the Kirk Hammet lick at the end though.
Back to DT riff, then Into (AGAIN)

Ok, sorry if I was harsh at all, not my intention. The song was pretty good, but it had a lot of repitition, and a lot of the riffs, mainly the one that focused on octaves, were a bit boring.
You still get a solid 7.5-8/10 though.

Crit mine please?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1032411
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Please check out my Youtube, and friend me if you like it. I do C4C, and I gladly will crit anything if you ask me.


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#16
Alright TS i gonna give the solo my best shot and let me know what u thinkl

Ok its not the greatest solo ever but better then before
Attachments:
Instrumental.zip
Last edited by master_ofmetal at Dec 28, 2008,
#17
Wow! Thanks a bunch for all the crits guys, I'm glad to see that people are liking it, and that aside from a few things that i've seen a lot pointed out (how some parts are a little repetative...sorry...), it seems to be liked. Thanks!


Just so you know, I'm not at home right now, and I won't be back until tuesday. Thus, since I don't have GP on this, I can't do crits back. But I promise I will on tuesday! Promise!


Just an interesting sidenote, I started laughing when I saw how many people likened this to Tool and BTBAM.

Probably the only two Prog-Metal bands that I can't stand. (Well, that's a lie. I like some Tool. Can't stand BTBAM though).

Really, this was a piece influenced more by Pain of Salvation, Fates Warning, The Fall of Troy, and a little Dream Theater.

But thanks guys! I'll crit back on Tuesday!
My Old Progressive Metal Band:
Acrasia
For fans of Between The Buried and Me, Dream Theater, Cynic.

My New Progressive Rock/Djent Band:
Wings Denied
For fans of Deftones, Tesseract, Periphery, Karnivool, Cynic.
#18
Way too repetitive.

I liked bar 25-26 and bar 93-121.

Solo sounded out-of-key. Kind of bugged me.
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Last edited by Gyroscope : Tomorrow at 01:00 PM.