#1
what is it
Hack up her body, put it in plastic bags, and dump it in the woods. This will get you a laugh 9 times out of 10.


So, how are your iPods and your games, and your $200 jeans this Christmas. I got a ceramic horse.

Exo M6

OWNED
#3
How do you make a little girl cry twice?


Wipe your bloody penis on her teddy bear.

Quote by Azwethinkwedo
Q:what's brown and rhymes with snoop?

A: Dr Dre

#4
"So a G, a B, and an E walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors."
#5
womans rights
Quote by RizzoWashburn
Oh, and this is the internet. I have the right to be a douchebag. Fuck off.
#6
Knock knock
Who's there
The interrupting Sheep
The interr-
BAHHH


It's funny when spoken
What I just said is a lie.
#7
If a woman speaks in the rainforest and there isnt a man to hear her, does that mean she's right?

LOL
#10
Why couldn't the cannibal with only 3 toes eat his own foot?

He was lack toes intolerant!

*artificial laughter ensues*
Quote by NGD1313
Well I don't know about solos but how about that Smoke on the Water riff. It's like...impossible.


THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

I'm Jake. I'm a musician, philosopher, and exhibitionist.
#12
Quote by Flying Couch
"So a G, a B, and an E walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors."


I was sigged! Yay!

What's brown and sticky?
Dog ****.
#16
Quote by Jacob6293
Why couldn't the cannibal with only 3 toes eat his own foot?

He was lack toes intolerant!

*artificial laughter ensues*


jake did you ever fix your porn virus issue?
Quote by skankingeasy
I always thought Clapton never lived up to his potential.

Quote by Chrisiphone
My grandma didn't have built in effects

Quote by Gargantuan

We are not worthy

Quote by Scoopy_3
A7x own!!!

^the ultimate argument agaisnt a7x.
#17
How do you make 2 Priests fight to the death?
By throwing a small boy between them!

hehehe
#18
Quote by turtlicorn
jake did you ever fix your porn virus issue?

Yeah, I downloaded Avast and it cleared up pretty quickly.
Quote by NGD1313
Well I don't know about solos but how about that Smoke on the Water riff. It's like...impossible.


THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

I'm Jake. I'm a musician, philosopher, and exhibitionist.
#19
Favourite joke at the moment has to be this, especially when drunk or stoned.

If a one legged elephant is riding in a bathtub down main street on a Tuesday, how many pancakes does it take to cover the dog?

None, ice cream doesn't have bones, silly.


Here's another cracker, sure I nicked this off UG actually...

There's this dad, sitting with his three kids. One of them says "Daddy, why is my name Rose?" The dad says "Well, honey, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal fell on your head. So we decided to call you Rose." The other said, "Daddy, why am I called Daisy?" And the dad said, "Well, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy petal fell on your head. So we decided to call you Daisy." Then the third kid says, "Abthosbsbbsbspt!!!" And the dad says, "Shut up, Fridge."
Quote by bjoern_swe
my mom found me sitting in the kitchen, eating Corn Flakes from the floor. when she asked me what I was doing, I just roared at her and ran up to my room.


George Foreman Grill Appreciation Society
#20
Quote by gonzaw
Hmmm, a note isn't minor you know....

No, but chords are. E, G, and B is E minor.
Quote by boreamor
I was sigged! Yay!

Yeah, I think I'm gonna start rotating. I get lots of those kinds of comments.
#21
Quote by alliwant
Favourite joke at the moment has to be this, especially when drunk or stoned.

If a one legged elephant is riding in a bathtub down main street on a Tuesday, how many pancakes does it take to cover the dog?

None, ice cream doesn't have bones, silly.


Here's another cracker, sure I nicked this off UG actually...

There's this dad, sitting with his three kids. One of them says "Daddy, why is my name Rose?" The dad says "Well, honey, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal fell on your head. So we decided to call you Rose." The other said, "Daddy, why am I called Daisy?" And the dad said, "Well, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy petal fell on your head. So we decided to call you Daisy." Then the third kid says, "Abthosbsbbsbspt!!!" And the dad says, "Shut up, Fridge."



Second one made me laugh so much.

Congrats
#23
How does a girl that goes to Ole Miss know her mom is on her period?? Her brother's dick tastes funny!
Guitar & Bass
#24
What's white and bobs up and down in a baby crib?

A pedophiles ass.


...





#25
Actuall transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations.


Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.


Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.


Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.


Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.


Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.


Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call
Black then white are all I see,
in my infancy, red and yellow then came to be.
#26
What's the difference between a black guy and a picnic basket?


I'm gay.


--------------------------

A man and his wife are driving home from a friends party:

Woman: There's something I gotta tell you

Man: What?

Woman: I've been sleeping with your best friend for the past 3 months. He's a much better lover, and I want a divorce.

Man: *speeds up to 40MPH*

Woman: And I want the kids too

Man: *Speeds up to 60*

Woman: I also want the credit cards and the house.

Man: *speeds up to 80*

Woman: What would you like dear?

Man: Oh nothing, I have the airbag.
Quote by buddha
isnt there a law against not shaving? thats somewere in our constitution. i think it goes something like a girl maybe be a freak in the sheets but no be wild down stairs is treason and for that she will be beheaded.-good old Benjamin F.

Last edited by shakin'cakes at Dec 24, 2008,
#29
How do you catch a rabbit?

Hide behind a tree and make noises like a carrot.
#33
Q: Whats the difference between a Terrorist and a jewish teacher?
A: You can Negotiate with a Terrorist.
"People fear death even more than pain. It's strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend...
-Jim Morrison
#34
What has 8 legs and makes women scream? Gangrape.
Quote by FrenchyFungus
I am not a woman as I currently claim


Quote by Rabid
I am actually a woman, unlike Frenchy