#1
Alright i'm an amateur looking for some help. Its about a girl but i would like your recommendations for improvements.

E D G C
Feeding the fire, to keep it a flame
E D G C
Burning desire, to make my claim

E D
Registrations and cancellations
G C
Adaptations, don’t leave your stations

Break the wall, brick by brick
Won’t let you fall, do not panic

Got an issue, with your curfew
It needs a review, if not I’ll make do

Losing control, I want to fly away
Taking its toll, but I am here to stay

Withdrew, so I came to the rescue
Its you that I value, just give me a clue
Quote by Survivalism
Someone, somewhere, was raped today. Someone else was murdered.

Are we sill playing this "worst day ever" game?
Last edited by Dox at Jan 4, 2009,
#2
Everything seems good except for the rhyme "brick" and "panic". When you say it out loud it feels awkward, like a forced rhyme
#3
I really like it, but i'm gonna agree that some of the rhymes are a little too tight. Like brick and panic.

But that will be my only correction, upload it as mp3?
Quote by zadzior
Sir, Awesome stuff. You have my respect!
Quote by neon-black
aw i love your song! sell it n' it would deffo be a smash!
Quote by veggiederek
this is great. you've got the words!
Quote by kiaraiswicked
... Wauw... It really paints a picture and leaves the rest up to the imagination!
#4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHl_yOiHrBo
short clip of the song... I want to record the whole thing but the camera I have can only record 25 seconds.
Quote by Survivalism
Someone, somewhere, was raped today. Someone else was murdered.

Are we sill playing this "worst day ever" game?