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#1
Ok, so I'm going to a X-mas Eve Murder Mystery, and I'm playing the part of a sleezy player, kind of dude, and I need some good corny one-liners.
Suggestions?
#2
Are you an angel? Cause I have an erection.
Quote by chip46
"I'm discontinuing production on the Timmy now as well. It might come back into production at some point down the road, but probably not because people will just clone it anyway cause they're stupid jerk face doo doo heads. -Paul C."
#4
That's what she said
Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
#5
is that a mirror in your pocket? cuz I can see myself in your pants
#9
Didn't you ever tell your pants it's not polite to point?
Quote by chip46
"I'm discontinuing production on the Timmy now as well. It might come back into production at some point down the road, but probably not because people will just clone it anyway cause they're stupid jerk face doo doo heads. -Paul C."
#10
"Bitch please.. you're meant to swallow that stuff!"
Gibson Les Paul Custom Black Beauty
Tokai LC53 Les Paul Custom
Tokai ALS48 Love Rock Les Paul Standard
Marshall DSL-50 Head
Marshall 1936 2x12 Cabinet
#11
1. Is there a ninja in your pants? cause YOUR ASS IS KICKIN!

2. I've heard sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?

3. Now **** me if I'm wrong, but is your name chuck?

4. Do you have a map? Cuz Honey, I just keep gettin lost in your eyes.

5. The body is made up of 90% water and I'm thirsty.

6. "Do you have any Hungarian in you?"

"No."

"Would you like some?"

7. Do you have a band-Aid? Cos I just scraped my knee falling for you.

8. "hey come here" *with the motion of a finger telling the chick to come to you*

Girl comes over.

"If I made you come with a finger, imagine what I would do with my hand?"

9. Do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk past you again?

10. Did it hurt? When u fell out of Heaven?

11. Is your dad in jail? Cuz he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.

12. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

13. "I'm your uncle Jon. Your daddy told me to give you a ride home."

14. That shirt is very becoming on you. Although if I were on you I'd be coming too.
Quote by chip46
"I'm discontinuing production on the Timmy now as well. It might come back into production at some point down the road, but probably not because people will just clone it anyway cause they're stupid jerk face doo doo heads. -Paul C."
#12
You must be a parking ticket because you got FINE written all over you.

PS3

Fear the LIME

X
#15
You know, u have over 200 bones in your body. Want one more?

Edit: Also, "Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes."
#57 in UG Top 100 2010!

I really ought to get my username changed...
#16
Hey baby, wanna fuck?
Quote by Beakwithteeth
What a coincidence one time I ****ed your cousin in the eye.
#18
wanna come over for some pizza and some sex? whats the matter? you dont like pizza?
Quote by Diet_coke_head
Hey! Now you can molest you're grandma and she won't remember! Score!!!



Gear:
Fender Aerodyne Jazz Bass
Fender V Jazz
Ashdown MAG 410
EH Bass Big MUff
MXR Bass Octave Deluxe
Digitech Synth Wah
#19
Quote by lespaul#1
1. Is there a ninja in your pants? cause YOUR ASS IS KICKIN!

2. I've heard sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?

3. Now **** me if I'm wrong, but is your name chuck?

4. Do you have a map? Cuz Honey, I just keep gettin lost in your eyes.

5. The body is made up of 90% water and I'm thirsty.

6. "Do you have any Hungarian in you?"

"No."

"Would you like some?"

7. Do you have a band-Aid? Cos I just scraped my knee falling for you.

8. "hey come here" *with the motion of a finger telling the chick to come to you*

Girl comes over.

"If I made you come with a finger, imagine what I would do with my hand?"

9. Do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk past you again?

10. Did it hurt? When u fell out of Heaven?

11. Is your dad in jail? Cuz he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.

12. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

13. "I'm your uncle Jon. Your daddy told me to give you a ride home."

14. That shirt is very becoming on you. Although if I were on you I'd be coming too.


Best ones
#20
Say like a guido: "Sup Ladies."
Quote by spazzymagee417
i would pay more for a midget corpse than an average size corpse
#21
Quote by aaciseric
Are you a prostitute? Because I would pay to have sex with you ...

Quote by guitarhero_764
I think you need to stop caring what people think about it. I stayed home all day today and masturbated like 5 times. Fucking blast.

Ibanez ATK300 ◈ Sansamp VT Bass ◈ EHX Nano Small Stone ◈ Hartke LH500 ◈ Ashdown/Celestion 115
#23
I must be god, cause I wanna make you go down on your knees.
Feed your mind.
#24
Quote by lespaul#1
1. Is there a ninja in your pants? cause YOUR ASS IS KICKIN!

2. I've heard sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?

3. Now **** me if I'm wrong, but is your name chuck?

4. Do you have a map? Cuz Honey, I just keep gettin lost in your eyes.

5. The body is made up of 90% water and I'm thirsty.

6. "Do you have any Hungarian in you?"

"No."

"Would you like some?"

7. Do you have a band-Aid? Cos I just scraped my knee falling for you.

8. "hey come here" *with the motion of a finger telling the chick to come to you*

Girl comes over.

"If I made you come with a finger, imagine what I would do with my hand?"


9. Do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk past you again?

10. Did it hurt? When u fell out of Heaven?

11. Is your dad in jail? Cuz he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.

12. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

13. "I'm your uncle Jon. Your daddy told me to give you a ride home."

14. That shirt is very becoming on you. Although if I were on you I'd be coming too.


Stolen.
#26
is ure dad a milkman? cos u have nice juggs..

works like a charm.
"You're a twat!"- That dude in morrisons

"You Ugly git!" - That girl in the restaurant

"You Were a Mistake!" - Mum

just a few of my fans..



#27
Quote by ThatGuy177
Are you an angel because the fall from heaven explains your face.

haha

That outfit is horrible, take it off NAO
#29
You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs.

Any Questions?
Quote by Zaphod_Beeblebr
You are a bad man...I like you

Quote by gillehy
you sir should be knighted

Quote by Sleaze Disease

It's so true.

I

LIKE


MUSIC!!!
#30
some of these might have been done but here goes,
Did you fart? Because you blew me away
You must be in a wrong place - the Miss Universe contest is over there.
Was that an earthquake or did u just rock my world?
I may not be a genie but I can make your dreams come true
Are you a magnet cuz im attracted to you
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I wish you were DSL so I could get high-speed access.
I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready.
Baby your like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my
problems
"Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this
room?"
Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for
Christmas.
Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
I was blinded by your beauty so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.
I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
I know I dont have a chance, but I just wanted to hear an angel talk.
Roses are red, violets are blue, how would you like it if I came home with you?
Hey I just realized this, but you look alot like my next girlfriend.
Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.
Are you lost? Because heaven's a long way from here.
POOF! (What are u doing?) I'm here, where are your other two wishes?
I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.
Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy!
If you were the new burger at McDonalds you would be the Mcgorgeous!
Do you have the time? (she gives you the time) No, the time to write my number down .
Let's make like a fabric softener and snuggle.
Are you an interior decorator? When I saw you the room became beautiful.
Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
Is that top felt? [No] Would you like it to be?
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Is your last name Gillete cause your the best a man can get.
Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.
I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?
You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to fall is in love with me.
I have never had a dream come true until the day that I met you.
You look life my first wife! (how many have you had?) none.
Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?
I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
Turn to the girl sitting next to you at the bar and say... "I'm not really this tall....I'm sitting on my wallet."
This is a test of the emergency pickup line service. Beeeeeeeeeep. If you had been any less beautiful, you would have just heard a bad pickup line.
If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
I know I'm not a grocery item but I can tell when you're checking me out.
If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away.
Do you mind if I hang out here until its safe back where I farted.
Life without you would be like a broken pencil...pointless.
Your body is a wonderland and i want to be Alice.
I'm like chocolate pudding, I look like crap but im as sweet as can be.
Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.
Are you an alien? because you just abducted my heart.
Did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!
I hope there's a fireman around, cause you're smokin'!
If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it's just a sparkle.
You've been a bad girl/boy. Go to my room.
If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity.
Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.
Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?
Like the sheets on your bed I want cover you with love.
Do you have a Bandaid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
I hope your day is as radiant as your smile.
You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.
Are you an alien?, because you just abducted my heart.
What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.
I can tell your future, it is you giving me your number.
Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
Giant polar bear (What?) It's an icebreaker. Hi, my name is....
Your so hot when i look at you I get a tan
I must be a snowflake, 'cuz I've fallen for you.
You look so sweet your givin me a toothache.
My love for you is like the universe...neverending!!
If looks could kill you would be a weapon of mass destruction.
You - "Did it hurt". The other person will naturally say "Did what hurt?", You - "When you fell from heaven."
Excuse me, can you empty your pockets? I believe you have stolen my heart.
Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes!
You say "I bet you $20 I can kiss you without using my lips." She says, "Bet's on." You kiss her then say, "I lost."
You got something on your chest: my eyes
Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after.
I don't know if you're beautiful or not, I haven't gotten past your eyes yet.
What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.
I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
Do you want to make millions? millions of babies!
The night is young, the moon is bright, and you are here with me tonight.
I wanna bag you like some groceries.
kiss me if I am wrong, but isn't your name (take a guess)...Janice????
Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only TEN I see
Quote by GuitarGod_92
I feel like I should pay you in sexual favors for that truly fapic story.


Quote by esther_mouse
Aww thank you sweetie Made my day a little bit brighter.


^that post and others like it made mine a Lot brighter.
#31
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
This is my sig, isn't it

AWESOME?

[quote="'[x"]Huffy[x]']I never understood Christianity.

A religion that is essentially based on stories about an invisible man that made the universe and a magic zombie that could walk on water and got nailed to a cross.
#32
From across the room I thought you were punching but now I can see, your kickin'!


A'thankyou.
Epiphone Elitist SG (Serious)
Tokai Silver Star
Epiphone Dot
Epiphone Les Paul
Washburn J28SCEDL
Washburn J12S

G.A.S List

JCM600 (Yes a 600..)
#33
It was me and you, in the bedroom, with the lead pipe.
VENUSIAN
FB SC BC TW
Patterns In The Ivy present ethnicity on an intriguing and dedicated level. ~Ambient Exotica
A mesmeric melange of yearning voice, delicate piano and carefully chosen samples. ~Lost Voices
#34
You must be tired, 'cause you've been running through my head all night... screaming.
"My idea is that there is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require." - Edward Elgar
#35
Quote by fret_racer82
Are your parents retarded? Cuz you look a very special girl.

#37
hey didnt I see u at the family reunion?

fail i know

if your left leg is thanksgiving and your right legs christmas can I vist you between the holidays?
Last edited by therealtater at Dec 24, 2008,
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