#1
VERSE
This feeling that flows through my veins
intoxicates life through my sober eyes
deceptive signs lead me down a path
thats been littered with regretful nights

Looking for a way to get by again
'Cause nothings ever right in my head
Always wanting more than what I have
Leaves me feeling so unsatisfied

CHORUS
Still waiting for a time in life I can say
I feel I'm exactly where I want to be
Life is short, I'm falling fast, will I ever see
Just how wonderful it all could be

VERSE
With a million ways to mess things up
I feel I'm stuck in a rut I can't get out of
The misery wraps around me in such a way
I'm comforted since it's all that remains

And it's been there with me no matter what
The only thing in life that I can count on
Maybe my story is something to learn from
Cause lord knows it's all that's left of me

CHORUS
Still waiting for a time in life I can say
I feel I'm exactly where I want to be
Life is short, I'm falling fast, will I ever see
Just how wonderful it all could be

BRIDGE
Waiting for something to define who I am
And show me there's a meaning to this all
I'm so sick of wondering if things will go my way
I don't know how much longer I can hold on

CHORUS
Still waiting for a time in life I can say
I feel I'm exactly where I want to be
Life is short, I'm falling fast, will I ever see
Just how wonderful it all could be
Last edited by oakleys09 at Dec 25, 2008,
#2
Quote by oakleys09
VERSE
This feeling that flows through my veins
intoxicates life through my sober eyes
deceptive signs lead me down a path
that's been littered with regretful nights

Very Nice. The wording flows very well.

I was looking for a way to get by again
'Cause nothings ever right in my head
Always wanting more than what I have
Leaves me never feeling satisfied

The first line seems sort of cluttered. Maybe drop the "I was". I like how satisfied rhymes with nights/eyes in the other paragraph.


CHORUS
Still waiting for a time in life I can say
I feel I'm exactly where I want to be
Life is short, I'm falling fast, will I ever see
Just how wonderful it all could be

Not feeling the be/be rhyme.

VERSE
With a million ways to mess things up
I feel I'm stuck in a rut I can't get out of
The misery wraps around me in such a way
I'm comforted since it's all that remains

Very Nice. The enjambment in the 2nd/3rd line is great. Not sure if that was on purpose or not, but I like it.

And it's been there with me no matter what
The only thing in life that I can count on
Maybe my story is something to learn from
Cause lord knows it's all that's left of me

This part is throwing me off cause I have no idea what your talking about. It's mysterious though, I'll give you that.


CHORUS
Still waiting for a time in life I can say
I feel I'm exactly where I want to be
Life is short, I'm falling fast, will I ever see
Just how wonderful it all could be

BRIDGE
Waiting for something to define who I am
And show me there's a meaning to this all
I'm so sick of wondering if things will go my way
I don't know how much longer I can hold on

Nice bridge. The last line pulls it together.

CHORUS
Still waiting for a time in life I can say
I feel I'm exactly where I want to be
Life is short, I'm falling fast, will I ever see
Just how wonderful it all could be


C4C? If you mind, could you check out "Shoulda, Coulda Woulda" in my sig? Thx!
Quote by darkstar2466
Don't fret man.
#3
Thanks for the crit; I took your advice and left out the "I was" in the 2nd verse. The last verse was kind of a continuation of the verse before it, referring to how this "misery" has been the only constant thing I've had in life--as if I can count on it to always be there in a sort of morbid way.

I'll check out Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda and let you know what I think; again thanks for reading