#1
c4c.


Stretched my fingers and dragged them across her chin.
A lovely way to start my morning;
like Wheaties, but a bit more subtle.
Her lips creep open and her chin creases,
sunrise glares off her pale teeth
and she leans in to kiss me...
her breath smells terrible.

Then I remember that she isn't here.
I'm just a bit drunk and playing off the fact
that I haven't seen her in days.
No one should spend Christmas morning without their
newly found fiancé.

Instead, I cuddled with an imaginary porcelain doll;
an airbrushed concoction of the past three years of images
and smiles and laughs.
The problem is, when you rollover to spoon an ornament;
it shatters under the weight of its obligations;
and being excited to receive a sweater from you mum
becomes an impossible task.
#2
Meh, I didn't like this. Something about it doesn't draw me in. I just don't feel the emotions that you are going for. I don't hear it in his voice. I'm trying to figure out why, but it's hard to tell. I just read it, acknowledged that he's a sad character, and moved on. I didn't care.

I think I might come back to this when I'm in crittin' condition, but I just couldn't get into this.
#4
I think I couldn't connect with this because it's treating a delicate subject with very little delicacy. For starters, if you're going to go on calling her 'her', you need to award yourself an 'I' in that first sentence. It's very tell not show which means I can't read it from your perspective because, well, you'd be doing both. Then it went on for a bit and was almost lovely for a second with the doll and then you threw in another line of the story that I couldn't connect with at all and just finished it there.

Some of it was very touching, but it felt like you were holding back.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!