#1
The last words of a repentant criminal who found no mercy at the hands of man
but in his dying moments finds mercy and forgiveness from the bleeding hands of
the Saviour sharing a similar fate on the cross at Calvary.

SONG OF THE MALEFACTOR

http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/Spectrum+GT/music/all/play498996

Lord remember me when you come into your kingdom
Lord remember me for night draws near
Lord remember me when you enter your kingdom
Lord remember me for the end is near


Nailed to a cross on Calvary
I’m repaying my debt to society
There’s no mercy on earth for this sinner’s deeds
O Lord please have mercy on me

Nailed to a cross on Calvary
Your bearing the sins of humanity
Just an innocent man who’s committed no crime
Lord have mercy on me for it’s time

Lord remember me when you come into your kingdom
Lord remember me for night draws near
Lord remember me when you enter your kingdom
Lord remember me for the end is near


Today you shall be with me in Paradise

Al
#2
This is good, except for one thing, it didn't seem very focused. That, I imagine is because it's written for a song and it's a natural thing to read something in poetry form, not in it's intended format.

I don't like the word "Calvary", and I can't see it's relevance, although I will return hopefully and see what else I can find that will enlighten me.

There are no lines in particular that are striking, but there are lines that are so simple and very good for that fact, and they also should, in theory, work really well in song: "O Lord please have mercy on me"

I have the feeling overall with this that you don't really care about what you are talking about. There is no force or aptitude behind your words. It feels a little disconcerted and impersonal, like you are still undecided as to what you believe.

That's just me though, so you can ignore me at your will.

Good work.

Digitally Clean