#1
Hey, It's been a little while since I've uploaded a song, probably because I've been having a huge creative block,

C4C, The more detailed the critique i get, the more I'll get for you, please, GP5 or GP4 only, i cant stand MIDI and I don't have Powertab.

It's Metalcore with some lighter elements AND some heavier elements as well.


Edit: It's done. =)
Attachments:
Song 1.zip
Poop.


Yes, poop.
Last edited by MattAnderson111 at Dec 27, 2008,
#2
mmm. its ok, quite bland. but no real problems with the music.
maybe vox would liven it up a bit.
jus sounds like quite a few metalcore bands, though, tbh.
'If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music.' Albert Einstein
#4
For the intro using the same chord progression that every metalcore bands uses , and the riff is very as i lay dying sounding, try to make it more unique, not just repetetive open-note-open-note riffs..
Bridge and solo sounds cool though.
#5
My thoghts listening to the song.

Good intro. It's atmospheric, but it reminds far too much of countless other metalcore songs. The End of Heartache springs to mind. Unfortuneately, that's pretty much the big issue with the whole song, it's just too generic and cookie cutter metalcore.

Riff at 11 is standard metalcore versey type deal, so it ultimately leaves me going "meh". It, and the whole song really, coul use a bit of a boost tempo wise as well. just 15-20 bpm makes a big difference.

The chorus, again, is well written but has been done to death by a million bands previous. I'm not sure I like the hi hat fill at the end of bar 16, though. It's a bit of a monkey wrench in the flow of the chorus.

Verse riff is very similar to the riff at bar 11, so my comments above pretty much pply the same here.

Bar 19 is my favorite so far. Simple but effective, and the use of the G# at the 4th fret is one of my new favorite chord motions for this style. I think the drums should keep the snare on beat three at 21, though, so it stays groovy all the way though.

I would make 23 a bar of 2/4, so people dont have to wait wait so long for the song to kick back in. Your call, though.

I like the bridge a lot, especially that G# on the 4th fret again. I think a lead on Matt's guitar track would be awesome at bar 26, but, again, its your call.

My personal opinion, I would cut out bars 28-31 and go straight to bar 32. It would flow better, and the part from 28-32 seems kind of irrelevant.

Breakdown at 33 is a breakdown. It's eh, its not all that great even as far as breakdowns go, but I know why it needs to be in there.

The interlude is solid. I especially like the bass at bar 43.

I can't hear the solo at 51 very well. I would put it up in the mix, and maybe up an octave too, that way it doesnt get drowned out by the rhythm guitars.

Ending is good, wraps it up nicely, and I like the ending on the major root so it sounds happy as it ends.

Overall, there really is not much to say. I've seen it a million times, a well written, solid song being dragged down by the fact that it's stuck in genre that allows such little wiggling room. There's really not much to change, just consider your style and originality when you go to write more.

Would you mind giving one of mine a looksie?

Lobster Santa
#6
Intro is good, slightly reminds me of "The End" by Bullet though. As it progresses and you have the powerchords underneath, it loses that feeling however. It is a pretty solid intro, good job. At bar 9 you have the typical C5 being held out with the drums underneath, cliche but only because it works.

The verse riff (bars 13 and 14) are slightly more origional then the average metalcore riff, and I really like the 2 bars after that. I'm not so sure on the drum fill at the end of 16, though. Next two bars are another "chug chug note chug note chug note" riff, but it is pretty nice. I don't like the tripulet though, it seems out of place.

Headbanging part up next, really works, but was the harminization (spelling?) at bar 20 on purpose?

This is what I'm going to guess is the chorus, and It fits. I like the fact you aren't always doing power chords. I'm guessing clean vocals at this point?

Bars 28 to 31 should be cut out I think... it just doesn't feel right.

Nice breakdown, but there could have been pauses in the guitar parts. It still worked though.

Back to the Intro, everything is moving along quite nicely.

The solo was nice, but it kind of got lost in the rhythm... I couldn't really hear it all that well. It had a very good sense of melody though.

All in all, It was a really good song. 8.5/10, easily.

You want to give mine a crit?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1032411
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Please check out my Youtube, and friend me if you like it. I do C4C, and I gladly will crit anything if you ask me.


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#7
Aside from being generic and predictable, it's a decent song. However, I had some issues.

The little thing at the end of the chorus really throws off the flow.

Poor transitioning into the pre-breakdown and breakdown.

Bridge is lame and forgettable.


You can crit mine if you want, but I wouldn't suggest bumping the thread.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=897329
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Last edited by Gyroscope : Tomorrow at 01:00 PM.
Last edited by Gyroscope at Dec 28, 2008,
#8
Like other people already said, it's too generic, but that seems to be the problem with every -core song I see on this forum. Maybe it's something with the genre itself that makes it impossible to be creative, i don't know...
Anyway, i think the biggest problem aside from the aforementioned is the speed. It's too slow to make these kinds of riffs work. The pre-breakdown riff was the only part that really stood out for me. The solo's ok as well, nothing special, but it does the job...
I'm sorry to give you such a negative critique man, but all this metalcore stuff just annoys me because no one ever seems to try and get out of that little generic box...
6\10

I'm afraid to ask... crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1028534
#9
110
War Is Over
(If You Want It)

SorryForMyEnglish=)))

Accordion Muse S 384-K
#10
good song, its pretty generic, but thats metalcore, i liked it, the outro solo could be a little longer, but thats my opinion, crit mine, the story of the black knight, and maybe the others just click my name